More than long hair makes me a woman.
It took me a long time to realize this. I still struggle with it sometimes. I remember putting a towel on my head as a little girl and swinging it to and fro, hoping and praying that one day it could be my real hair doing this.
The BC was a big trial for me. Would I look like a boy? Would my husband still find me attractive? Would people look at me and shake their head saying “WHAT did that girl do to her hair?”
I’ve never been a particularly “girly girl”. I wore make up on occasion, dressed up sometimes, but it was my hair that usually got the attention of men. Despite the fact that it rarely even reached APL at times and severely damaged, it was still considered by many others (usually other black folks) as beautiful and long. I did not realize until after my BC how much store I put in my hair for making me appear feminine.
With the realization came the desire for me to want more than anything to prove that have long “swanging” hair was not the only thing that made me a woman.
God made me a woman and he didn’t give me the type of hair that I always lusted over. He gave me curly, kinky hair and I was going to work what I had, even if it was only 4 inches long!
Here are a few things that I did to put a little more pep in my step.
- Make up I wore make up a lot more often. Accentuating your best facial features can blow long hair out of the water. Show off those pouty lips, long eyelashes, or those regal eyebrows.
- New clothes I went out and bought tons of skirts and pretty tops. And no, you don’t have to spend a lot of money for this. Wait for a sale or even go to some garage sales or consignment shops. These places are not what a lot of people think. I could find the latest fashions all in good or new condition. I still get compliments on my “hand me downs”
- Accessories! Scarves, hair clips, earrings! They are out there and they are plentiful. Rightly placed, they can add quite a flare.
- Working out What better way to feel sexy than to work out and tone that body?
- Experimenting I still have a lot to experiment with, but I’m working my way through all the hair styles out there. Despite what lot of people think, there is a lot of variety out there for naturals
Not everyone needs these pick me ups. My best friend just seem to slide right into being natural after her BC and embraced it fully. But a lot of us do have doubts.
How could we not? We are surrounded by media images and people in our lives telling us that short, natural hair is not pretty or desired. Time to turn things around. If you just BC’d and you’re feeling blue, keep your head up.
Your hair is part of what makes you beautiful, but not all of it. But that’s hard to remember, especially if you are newly natural.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I love your blog. It so informative on products. Your hair is so nice and shiny.
Thanks, hun! Glad to see you here, hope you come back.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I recently did the big chop (2wks ago) and I’m not feeling it. I see so many stories of ladies that loved it after they did it. I’m really glad that I’m not “strange” in thinking “OMG” after I did it. I’ve seen so many pictures of natural hair and I loved it. Now that I’ve cut mine off, I’m thinking what in the world?? I don’t think I’ll relax it again, but like you (after your chop), I’m not currently wearing it out. BTW, your hair is so pretty!
itcomesnaturally, thanks so much. I hope that you come to learn and love your hair as much as I love mine.
I’m not sure how I found your blog but I’m really glad that I did because I have been lurking here for about 2 or 3 hours now. Thank you for this blog. I BC’d two days ago and it has been a challenging couple of days. My hair is a lot shorter than I expected and I have never in my life had short hair so it has been a bit on the traumatic side. However, I have spent the last two days on any natural hair website I can find and that is helping me to embrace my new look. I will be coming back here often. Thanks so much for all the information; it is helping a newbie more than I can say.
Hi, I too struggled with the “looking like a boy” thing and my husband was NOT HAPPY in the least bit and that only made it worse so I sought the net for support until I became stonger on my own and comfortable n my own skin. I am currently doing a different kind of “transitioning” now, I am wearing cornrows til my hair starts to resemble some of the pictures of the women that I have seen on the various sites that I have visited, including this one. Almost no one has a twa, only me, I am the only stupid person who cut their hair off w/o significant growth first, what was I thinking??!!!!
Love your blog! I’m feeling inspired.
I found your blog just in time. I experienced my BC on Saturday and today was my first day at work. I work around majority men and I was very self-conscious. Not only have I endured the BC, my beautician twisted my hair and advised me to wear it like that for two weeks before I untwist and finger comb it. I stopped by the drug store right before work to pick up a head scarf, I wore the “funky” earrings and applied make-up…just to help “them” get over the shock factor. I have even been not-so-social today so I wouldn’t draw attention to hair. I’m still trying to get over the shock of my BC and it’s been THREE days!! This is coming from someone who’s always had at least shoulder length hair and wore a perm since I was two yrs old. Thanks for the blog! I’ll be visiting more often. I can’t wait for my hair to grow out like yours…it’s a little more than a fingers length now. Your hair is beautiful.
I too, feel like the reader above (Makeda Pennycooke), I had been lurking around different sites for natural curly (kinky) hair information, products,and came across this one.
My husband wanted me to grow my hair (march 2008), I had a Texturizer Perm. short & wavy. So, it’s been 1 year and 4 months, but I did not like it how I looked for a long time.
I’ve now gotten all the perm out and it is soft, about NL, but I am so happy about the way I believe it will turn out.
For the past 2 weeks I’ve been doing a 2-strand twist, with Olive Oil Cream and just keep it tied up. I can’t wait until I’ve take off my wigs, and swing my ‘naturally curly hair’.
I will continue to come to your blog kcurly for updates. Thanks for your Blog.
Even though i went through that feeling like i looked like a boy stage, i was blessed to have the full support of my husband (he also did my BC for me!). It still didn’t stop me from rocking my wigs until i got to a point where i felt comfortable. My hair really grew in nicely and after a few weeks, i felt good about it. But i did things like buy pretty earrings and i loved scarves! It is all about making yourself feel good the best way you can. I watched many Youtube videos on women with their natural hair and they gave me great tips. I have become a part of that community and i have my own channel under “reshon30″. You just got to know that you were beautifully created by God and me makes no mistakes. You will get past that stage and you will be happy you did it
What I don’t understand is why transitioning people turn to make-up. You’re trying to embrace what God gave you, but you wear make-up, that’s contradictory, isn’t it? Wearing make-up hides the natural you. You weren’t born with pink cheeks, pink lips or long think eyelashes.
Conni, good point…However, I see makeup akin to wearing hair beads, headbands, and any other adornments. It’s not as if you were getting plastic surgery where I couldn’t even recognize my self. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a big makeup wearer and I agree with you to an extent. However, I think that people should do what makes them feel comfortable.
http://www.newlynatural.com
I have 14 hours before I got natural tomorrow (11/21/09). I am both nervous and excited at the same time. I even did a row test in the front of my head to see if I coud dig it short and natural. I have past shoulder length hair and just got into a spout with my boyfriend because he thinks its a drastic decision. It is not what he prefers when it comes to MY hair. If a person cannot accept me as me the he is not for me. I have wavy and coily hair (much like your hair when it was shorter withthe head band). It is not a bad thing to reinvent yourself. It will be an adjustment and I wear wigs now despite my length (have healthy head of hair). I am tired of chemicals. I got a referred beautician that does a friend of mines, I am working to establish trust that she will do a good job. I am not focused on whether I would look like a boy. I know who I am… This blog has helped also with the advice on make up and a change of atire. Why just make a change 1/2 way right.
Be blessed all