Readers Share–Going Natural: Necessary for Me

Thanks to Paulette for this wonderful and inspiring email:

Hi Kcurly,

My name is Paulette and I’m 5 months away from being 21.  I just found your blog and I am so glad I did.  I haven’t had a relaxer for a little over a year and its the best thing thats ever happened to me.  I’ve been getting relaxers since I was VERY young and really the only way my hair would grow was in braids.  Even with relaxers my mom would braid my hair.  I eventually got my hair to be almost to my butt by age 6 or 7.  Then after my parents separated it was more-so up to me to take care of my hair.  I would get relaxers but it wasn’t always consistent and I, honestly, was not very good at all of taking care of my hair.  I can tell you now that I still struggle with that.

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I went off to college and it became harder to take care of it but I stopped with relaxers in high school.  Through all the relaxers and my ignorance on how to properly take care of my hair my hair was about shoulder length if not shorter.  It was hard because so many of the girls I went to school with just seemed to have flowing bouncing hair.  Those who didn’t just always had braids and nothing else.  My dad is Nigerian and my mom is black so I have a unique texture that really works well natural but when everyone wants that relaxed look, I took my natural hair for granted.  Luckily, I went to high school with a lot of other west africans so I saw a lot of twists but never fros or other natural hairstyles.

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Last September my stylist told me I needed a relaxer and even though I went in there just to get a normal style I gave in.  She was the professional not me.  When my mom came to get me….she was PISSED (to say the least).  I went back to school after the Labor Day break and my friends couldn’t believe that I’d gotten a relaxer.  From that point on I haven’t gotten a relaxer.  It has taken a year and I probably have about an inch or so left of perm but my hair has grown about 8 inches.

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My hair grows FAST with braids.  My RA/good friend does hair and would cornroll my hair and help me find products.  She knows I am completely lost when it comes to hair so I’m so glad I had her.  I would always wear wigs because I don’t feel attractive with short hair.  I think it has more to do with the fact that I HAD such long hair and my grandma and my mom made such a big deal about my hair getting shorter and shorter as the years past that I started to believe it too.

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But I’ve always had a dandruff problem and it wasn’t until about 4 months ago that I learned I had a skin issue that also effected my face which also explained why most facial cleansers only worked for a very short time and then because ineffective.  My dermatologist gave me a WONDERFUL shampoo that not only helps my scalp but adds moisture and shine to my hair.  He also gave me a grease that really helped to heal the scars from all the scratching that damaged my scalp even more.  Since then my hair has grown faster then ever

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The problem is my hair on the sides was getting rubbed out from my excessive wig usage.  My mom has been going natural for about 5 years and her hair is beautiful.  Recently, she two-strand twisted both our heads and they look great.  My hair has more shrinkage then hers though.  I’m still having issues with it but I was in the car with her and my brother today and she said “your hair has never really liked relaxers.  You have the perfect hair for going natural.” When she said that I really felt better.  I think I need to get out of that mindset that having bone straight hair is somehow supposed to make me sexy.  I think once I really learn how to take care of my hair, I can fully appreciate how necessary going natural has been.  My mom says all the time “I swear I get more compliments on my hair now then I ever did when I was getting relaxers.”

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I think its time for me to embrace my natural beauty and I’m so glad to have found your blog because it helps me see how wonderful it really is to have natural hair.