Edit:11/21/09 I’m bumping this old post because there have been so many great comments made. I’m also bumping it for any newbies who might be thinking of this as an option!
I was walking to get lunch at work yesterday when I spotted a young lady with a little fro walking by. All naturals catch my attention since they seem to be few and far in between where I live. I didn’t say anything and continued talking on my cell phone. She interrupted me and told me she liked my hair and asked how I did it.
I hung up my phone ( Bye DH!) because if there’s someone to talk about hair with, I’m happy! I told her how I did my twists, what products I like, about my BC. I then asked her about her hair : how long she’d been natural and did she just recently BC.
Her: “Oh no, I used to wear it really short like a dude but started growing it out. But my boyfriend said it was too damn nappy and what was I going to do with it? I had to put a texture softener in it just to be able to comb through it”
I must’ve winced when I heard “texture softener” because she said “What?”
Me (going with honesty):” I just didn’t know that your hair was,um, chemically treated”
Her (confused): “It’s not. A texture softener is like a moisturizer…it just makes the hair softer so you can comb through it. I used the childrens’ version”
Ya’ll, this about bowled me over. I was pretty much done at this point because 1) lunch time was quickly coming to a close and 2) I couldn’t believe that she really thought this. I told her that a texture softener was a mild relaxer, gave her the names of a few sites I like to visit and said goodbye.
Just now I was on the Just for Me Texture Softener site to see if it was misleading. I am mad and a little disgusted by what I saw.
First, let me list the ingredients, which I could not find on the website. I apologize if they are there and I just missed them, but I ended up having to go elsewhere for ingredient info (from www.walgreens.com):
Water – Aqua , Petrolatum , Cetearyl Alcohol , Mineral Oil – Paraffinum Liquidum , Polysorbate 60 , Calcium Hydroxide , Propylene Glycol , PEG-75 Lanolin , Sodium Stearoamphoacetate , Aloe Barbadensis , Oleth-3 Phosphate , Linalool , Fragrance – Parfum , Water – Aqua , Guanidine Carbonate , Xanthan Gum , Denatonium Benzoate , Green 5 – CI 61570 , Green 8 – CI 59040 , Water – Aqua , Sodium Laureth Sulfate , Disodium Cocoamphodipropionate , Citric Acid , Polyquaternium-7 , PEG-120 Methyl Glucose Dioleate , Polysorbate 20 , Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein PG-Propyl Silanetriol , Algae Extract , Aloe Barbadensis , PEG-150 Distearate , Tetrasodium EDTA , Phenolsulfonphthalein , Diazolidinyl Urea , DMDM Hydantoin , Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate , Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone , Benzyl Salicylate , Butyl Phenyl Methyl Propional , Citronellol , Coumarin , Linalool , Fragrance – Parfum , Carthamus Tinctorius , Helianthus Annuus , Glycine Soja , Mineral Oil – Paraffinum Liquidum , Zea Mays , Limnanthes Alba , Lanolin Oil , Tocopheryl Acetate , Cetyl PEG/PPG-10/1 Dimethicone , Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride , BHT , Amyl Cinnamal , Citral , Limonene , Linalool , Fragrance – Parfum , Water – Aqua , Mineral Oil – Paraffinum Liquidum , Polyquaternium-22 , Hydroxyethylcellulose , Acetamide MEA , Panthenol , Hydrolyzed Keratin , Hydrolyzed Glycosaminoglycans , Sodium Cocoyl Collagen Amino Acids , Algae Extract , Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein PG-Propyl Silanetriol , Simmondsia Chinensis , Tocopheryl Acetate , Aloe Barbadensis , Oleth-3 Phosphate , Sorbitan Stearate , Linoleic Acid , Linolenic Acid , Triticum Vulgare , Wheat Germ Acid , Propylene Glycol , Sorbitol , Cocoyl Sarcosine , Methylisothiazolinone , Methylchloroisothiazolinone , Fragrance – Parfum , Water – Aqua , Mineral Oil – Paraffinum Liquidum , Lanolin , Lanolin Wax , Petrolatum , Lanolin Oil , C12-15 Alkyl Benzoate , Hydroxylated Lanolin , Panthenol , Sorbitan Oleate , Sodium Borate , Methylparaben , Diazolidinyl Urea , Limonene , Fragrance – Parfum , Red 33 – CI 17200
And here are the ingredients for Soft and Beautiful Botanicals No Lye Relaxer (soft and beautiful also makes Just for Me):
Water Aqua , Petrolatum , Cetearyl Alcohol , Mineral Oil Paraffinum Liquidum , Polysorbate 60 , Calcium Hydroxide , Propylene Glycol , PEG-75 Lanolin , Sodium Stearoamphoacetate , Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice , Oleth-3 Phosphate , Fragrance Parfum , Water Aqua , Guanidine Carbonate , Xanthan Gum , Denatonium Benzoate , Green 5 CI 61570 , Green 8 CI 59040 , Water , Sodium Laureth Sulfate , Disodium Cocoamphodipropionate , Polyquaternium-7 , Lauramide DEA , Citric Acid , Polysorbate 20 , PEG-150 Distearate , Tetrasodium EDTA , Methylparaben , Diazolidinyl Urea , Phenolsulfonphthalein , Fragrance Parfum , Water Aqua , Glycereth-26 , Dimethicone Copolyol , Dimethicone Copolyol Meadowfoamate , Panthenol , Hydrolyzed Collagen , Helianthus Annuus Extract Sunflower , Achillea Millefolium Extract , Salvia Officinalis Leaf Extract Sage , Symphytum Officinal Leaf Extract , Lactic Acid , Silk Amino Acids , Acetamide MEA , Retinyl Palmitate , Tocopherol , Propylene Glycol , Polyquaternium-22 , Polysorbate 20 , Polyquaternium-11 , Methylchloroisothiazolinone , Methylisothiazolinone , Diazolidinyl Urea , Fragrance Parfum , Mineral Oil Paraffinum Liquidum , Ceresin , Petrolatum
The calcium hydroxide is the straightener for no lye hair relaxers and looks like they both have it.
I moved on to the “How texture softeners work” part of the site and was faced with this lovely diagram:
Notice the magic green swirls that this product contains to turn your bad hair to good hair(SARCASM!). What gets me is the claim to “gently soften while protecting your natural hair texture” That is so untrue that it’s funny. It completely changes it!
And the “tightly curled hair tangles causing breakage when combed” is misleading too. How about people ripping through tightly curled hair when it’s dry with a small toothed comb causes breakage?
I think that this diagram should be used instead of the first one to show “how texture softeners work”:
Ok I jest of course, but I think it would be nice if they had a realistic diagram with an actual explanation of how their product works. I long ago stopped believing in hocus pocus so ya’ll aren’t fooling me with the magic swirls, Just for Me.
Also on the site is a section called “Advice for Moms” from which I’ve taken this quote:
“By the time your daughter begins to interact socially with friends or family members or take in the many messages in the media, she will have some idea about her image and how others may view her. In order to ensure your daughter has a healthy self-concept, it is important to begin talking to her about her identity as soon as possible so that you can instill in her a strong self-esteem and a healthy self-image”
Orrrr it is important to begin making her feel that her natural hair is unmanageable and wrong, but don’t worry! You can infuse self esteem by loosening her curl pattern and giving her the healthy self image of ”good hair”.
On a serious note I understand what they were supposedly trying to do by including that section, but it kind of feels like it’s almost a joke because the whole point of the texture softener is to make your hair, the way it grows naturally out of your head, into something else.
How can you have a healthy self image when really you don’t know what your true image is? If I get my “texture softened” at the age of 5, I don’t have a positive image of my hair that grows out of my head. I have a positive image of the hair that has been chemically treated to look like something else entirely. When that other stuff (the new growth) starts growing in, then I have a problem and feel self concious.
(Just a disclaimer, the following paragraph is full of sarcasm). To add insult to injury, the site also includes a link to a blog by a mom who is pretty much is just another advertising mechanism. I read through a few of the posts one of which was entitled “Options for Natural Hair”. It said you pretty much had three choices: First you can comb it everyday , but it’s just gonna tangle anyway. Second, you can use “temporary” treatments, I’m assuming she means moisturizers, but that will just cost too much because if your hair is really thick you’re going to have to use tons. Lastly (enter the calvary) you can use Just for Me Texture Softener and all your problems will be solved.
Don’t be fooled ladies. If you have just BC’d and are looking for softer hair, please don’t run to products like these (texturizers, texture softeners, texlaxers) first. Do your research, you can find other methods of dealing with your hair without reintroducing the chemicals.
People who relax/texturize their hair and know the many options of natural hair and still choose to relax are well in their own rights to make that choice. It is a choice, one I will not be making, but I wish these companies would just come out and say exactly what their product is instead of trying to make it seem like something else.
I hope you enjoyed my first rant of the New Year!
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That before picture is (excuse my language) pissing me off right now. What the hell?!
Girl, you have me angry already in the new year.
When will these people ever learn?
Some Naturals are using an all natural product “Benzonite Clay” by Indian Hemp to loosen their curl naturally.
Blended Beauty makes their own version called Volcanic Clay. A lot of naturals really like these products and are surprised that they get a looser but tighter curl.
I hate that we are in a society that make implications that you make look a certain way to be excepted. I have found most ads are so misleading.
Wow, that is just so sad! No wonder so many people are brainwashed into thinking natural hair has to be fixed in some way. They just want to make money off people who want to be natural but don’t actually like their natural hair. What I would love is the perfect moisturizer. Why doesn’t someone make that?
Lol, I saw this product in the beauty store aisle and I was like “WHATEVER!!” Passed right on by. They’re so misleading…
As a child I’d get so jealous of those girls on the boxes because my hair NEVER came out looking like theirs! It’s brainwashing…
This was an excellent post on so many levels–it made me gasp in disbelief, laugh and then shake my head. Thank you!
I think that it’s ridiculous that we expose our daughters to this nonsense. as a newly natural myself, i’m trying to keep my daugter in love with her hair exactly the way that it wants to be. that should be the goal of all of us, not to encourage them to change themselves. if that’s not self-hate i don’t know what is
Once again, job well done. I am glad you’re raising awareness about the true nature of the products out there. If people only knew…
Hey girl! i love all your articles, and as expected, this one was great too
what you talked about, is exactly what i wanted to say for soooooo long! Just for me is full of crap on this product. In september 2007 when i was one year 6 months natural, i was loving my hair but became so depressed about how it kept tangling, etc., and matting and when i asked my mom to help me comb it she said she not combing that corn husk! i bacame so depressed and cried whole evening. then i made the decision to do this “texture softener” and thoroughly researched the internet. there were no bad stories about it so i went ahead. i used the crappy oil that came with it, plus i added more of my own oils plus a lot of conditioner to buffer it, because i was aware that there are relaxer chemicals in it. my mom pulled out my hair for me and the cream, even though heavily diluted took instantly but i was cautious and washed it out quickly. my hair was soft and frolicious after…totally beautiful, and i got tons of compliments. i was so happy because i kept my kinky texture (which i did not want to lose) and it was now able to put in a puff. Then, the nightmare came…it was horribly dry and no matter what i did – glycerin mix spritzes, prepoo, diluting shampoo, all natural moisturizers, moisturizing then sealing – nothing worked to keep it moisturized. it was soft when i did it on mornings, but quickly got dry and husky as soon as i went outside!! That was the worst, and it was worse to know that i took really good care of my hair and nothing worked.
Im so happy that is over and since then i dabbled in another texturizer in march 2008 (6 months later) because i thought just for me was the problem, but the same thing happened and now it’s almost a year since and hell no im putting any chemicals in my hair again. i learnt my lesson! now im cutting out the damage slowly. i still miss my all natural hair and how it used to be like a cotton ball. The thing is that at that time my hair seemed to have gone through the scab hair stage and that was the most stressful part, now i understand why some people do two BC! Because now my hair is softer and very healthy because i have been incorporating herbs in my regimen, plus castor, olive and coconut oils and i went back to henna and i couldnt be happier!
thanks for educating people on the dangers of marketing gimmicks like this that prey on people’s insecurities! i got caught because i definitely wasnt going back to chemicals and i loved my texture but i was frustrated with the painful tangling, the matting and the painful shampoos (my head used to be sooo tender!), not knowing it was a phase, and i should have tried banding. and i was tired of hairdressers painfully yanking my hair out. But i have grown to learn better and i’m happy for the experience cause i could now warn others
Thank you SO MUCH for this. This is the first I’m hearing of this product. (I’m living in a pretty white world these days and all my close black female friends and family are natural.)
The next time I find myself back amongst a group of unknown black women and the subject of hair comes up (as it often does, especially when I’m in the group, lol) I’ll have another piece of information in my arsenal to work with.
Yes, ladies, please spread the word!
I LOVE this article. When people become more hair-educated they’ll realized that 95% of those ingredients shouldn’t come within 5 feet of their hair (the water and aloe being the exception). My 4 year old cousin’s mother put a relaxer in the child’s hair and… you guess it… her is beyond dry and damaged. She thought the chemical would alleviate the “issue” but it worsened the whole situation. Unfortunately I live in another state and can’t get my hands on the baby’s hair on a regular basis. I’m going to put together a pamphlet and hair care package for her.
this may have some chemicals in it but its not al about brainwashing this is targeted at whit people with mix kids with tangled hair
I’m just now seeing your blog and I put this product in my 5 year old’s daughter hair yesterday and disappointed at how it caused her sores in her scalp and burns. This isn’t a product for kids. I’m so disappointed. I’ve had natural hair for years and decided to get a relaxer and big mistake. Now my hair feels very dry and breaks off, I want my natural hair back!
Aww Dana, I’m so sorry
It’s not too late!I know you can get both your and your daughters hair back!!
I have a question. I am so confused right now. Are texture softeners and mineral softeners the same?
I realize this article is somewhat older, but I just came across it today, and I must say that I am glad you posted it. I too bought into the myth that this product is not a “relaxer” but would work to “soften your natural texture” to make it more manageable, but soon found, at least for my daughter, that was not the case. My oldest daughter was born with a head full of beautiful thick curly hair. I soon noticed, however, that every time I washed her hair, it looked drier and drier, and the curls became tighter and tighter. I tried a bunch of different “baby” hair products on her hair to help it retain moisture, but nothing seemed to work. (It’s also important to mention that I have had a relaxer since I was 9, so I knew absolutely nothing about caring for natural hair.) Anyway, by the time by baby was 3, her hair had gotten so tight that I felt that the only solution was to keep her hair in braids to avoid combing it, but the two-day process of washing and rebraiding her hair was torture for both of us. Just trying to get a comb through her hair literally had us both in tears. I felt helpless and desperate at this point, so I started researching hair products on the internet and came across this product. At last! The answer to all our hair troubles seemed to be confined in this little yellow box! Mind you, I had no intention of relaxing my child’s hair at this point, but a product that would make her hair easier to comb was just what I thought I needed.
Well, it turns out that it certainly did make it easier to comb, because it completely straightened her hair – just like a relaxer. I was disappointed, but seeing how it put an end to the “torture sessions” and how she was no longer afraid to get her hair done, I ultimately convinced myself that I did the right thing. Plus, I kept telling myself (and anyone who asked) that what she had was a “texture softener”, not a relaxer. (ha!) Anyway, I kept her hair that way for about 9 months before it hit me that my 4-year-old daughter really did have a relaxer. No matter what that yellow box claimed to be, she had a relaxer. I felt horrible. What message was I sending to her about her hair?
I ended up talking to a natural stylist about her hair, and she told me about transitioning, so I immediately started rearching again and began to educate myself on maintaining natural hair. I’ve been transistioning her hair for about a year now, and with the knowledge I’ve gained, I have discovered that my daughter still does have beautiful thick curly hair! Her hair was never unmanageable – it just couldn’t be “managed” with the same techniques I used on my relaxed hair. Discovering the natural beauty of my daughter’s hair really inspired me to discover my own, so I am proud to say that as I type this I am 5 months post-relaxer with the aim to be completely natural by next summer.
I apologize for the long post, but I wanted to share my experience with other mothers out there who may be considering altering their child’s hair for “manageability”. This product is not what it is advertised as, and it is certainly not the answer to your “hair woes”. I also want to thank you, Kcurly, for sharing your experiences, because you have certainly served as an inspiration to me! God bless you!
Okay, I am DISGUSTED at all of this mess but the worse issue is that people are considering this stuff still because THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY GROOM NATURAL HAIR! These companies are making money off of people’s ignorance and myths about natural hair. I’ll tell you right now that some people think that bad experiences with children and their natural hair only have to do with messages saying their texture is bad. That’s only part of the problem.
When I was young my hair grew and it grew fast. I loved my natural texture, especially when it was wild and teased out. The only thing that made me dislike my hair was the agony of improper grooming. I was as “tender headed” as they came – trust me.
My mom was ignorant on how to really take care of natural hair (even though ironically she was natural herself). She would just cut her hair when it got to a certain length and wear scarves. On top of that, she only would use some mineral oil laden hair lotion junk as her product and always say that my hair looked “dry” if it wasn’t gleaming like in the commercials. She eventually gave up on my hair and sent me through a nightmarish merry-go-round of hairdressers that didn’t want to “deal” with my hair and some that tried but didn’t know what to do (this was the mid-late 1980s).
So I would see commercials and magazines and not think “oh straight hair is better than mine because it’s straight”. It honestly was because I would look at the no more tears commercials or other generic hair commercials and God help me if I got to see them run a COMB through their hair with ease…no snags…no pain, nothing…while I would literally run from my mom or cry until my face was red and my scalp so sore that nerves would fire off in other parts of my body and I would get nauseous or grit my teeth. I truly felt I was cursed.
Even to this day if I see a parent taking a fine toothed comb and trying to get it through dry kinky/curly solely by force, all that pain comes right back and my heart goes out to that child.
What angers me more is that even when I see television shows or even read certain articles or books about natural hair and children and they’ll talk about the parents putting relaxers in their children’s hair because it was a torture session before and yet NO ONE mentions that it DOESN’T have to be that way!
I mean I hear people just dismiss it and say “well, all little black girls cry when they get their hair done”…it’s outrageous to me.
It’s just perpetuating the same ignorance and I’m really calling upon all media outlets dealing with natural hair to PLEASE bring an end to dealing with natural curly/kinky hair using tools, techniques and products on their children meant for straight hair so we don’t have another whole generation suffering needlessly from abrasive natural styling or harsh chemical “solutions” that only have these children associating their beautiful hair with PAIN!
I think it’s just too ironic that people are wasting time and money trying artificial means to make it easy to detangle and “manage” when all they need is a wide tooth comb/brush, water, a buffer oil/product/conditioner and to work from ends to roots.
it’s sad how ppl can get tricked into “taming” our hair. We have to be more and more careful these days of what we pick up off the shelves. The industry is getting shady it seems. Soon, if I can’t store it in my kitchen pantry then it ain’t going in my hair. Who do these manufacturers and women think they’re fooling? smh
I can’t believe how misleading this is. It’s presented as softening/moisturizing product when in reality if you look closely at the steps you have the exact same ones as when using a regular relaxer INCLUDING adding activator! SMH!
I went to that website last year and posted a nasty message to that company. I’m sure they deleted it. Its absolutely disgusting how they market their product.
Thanks for the repost I enjoyed reading this before and will definitely pass it on again. Okay so I just went to their website and found this in the Q&A section:
How old does my child have to be to get a Just For Me! Texture Softener?
Texture Softener™ is so gentle it can be used on girls as young as five years old.
Just For Me! also makes a relaxer for children. How is it different from the Texture Softener?
Just For Me!™ Relaxer is made especially for children to gently and effectively straighten hair. Naturally Gentle Texture Softener™ has an exclusive Sunflower Oil Formula that softens the natural hair texture to increase hair manageability.
My daughter has a Just For Me! Relaxer. Can I use a Just For Me! Texture Softener on her hair?
Yes, BUT apply the Just For Me!™ Texture Softener™ to the new hair growth only. Carefully follow the retouch directions written in the instruction sheet.
This is HORRIBLE! I really hope people read this with some semblance of intelligence before rushing out to buy their deceitful product for their little curly haired girls.
Omg! What a GREAT post!!!!!! I just saw your link on NC (NikG20 <—) in the childrens section. I made a post a couple weeks (or so) ago about the same thing! On one in particular biracial hair forum I am on, several mothers have put the texture softener in their childrens hair but they don't look at it as a relaxer. One person made a post which sparked me to create my blog post because everything she posted about it was sooooooooo full of B/S. This product is VERY misleading and I can see how someone would fall for it. I mean, I almost did myself. Luckily I RESEARCHED FIRST!!!!! Thank goodness for the internet! I just wish other people would do their research before using it. I often find people come on the internet to research/ask questions AFTER they have messed up their kiddos hair. *sigh* I hope more people see your post on this.