Being Newly Natural, one of the first things you might encounter is some negativity toward the awesomeness that is your kinky hair. We get our feelings hurt or we scoff at them… we wonder why they even care.
I have a confession to make. One that I just recently remembered.
I have been that girl. At least once in my life, I have been the girl snickering over in the corner about someone’s natural hair. And you know why? Because I wanted to fit in.
A friend of mine was making fun of a girl’s twists that she had worn to church. I didn’t really care one way of the other, but to fit in, I also put the girl down. Now, twists are my favorite style. And if I saw this friend again, who’s name I can’t even remember, she’d probably giggle in the corner at me.
It’s funny how things come around, isn’t it? But it also makes me realize that sometimes, just maybe, the women making fun of your hair are not doing it because they really hate it. There could be a number of reasons behind it, including trying to fit in or plain old jealousy.
So that leads me to my question. How have you felt about natural hair before deciding to go natural? Were you ever that girl?
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Great question and thanks for being honest. My mom has been natural for years and I remember when I was in high school I absolutely hated her fro. At that age, I just wanted her to look like all the other moms. Talk about a 360 degree life lesson because she’s still natural and encouraged me when I was unsure if I should do the BC. It’s amazing how the very thing I didn’t like about her hair (standing out from the rest) is exactly what I love about my hair now. Oh yeah, she’s still a fierce natural and did another BC after I did because she missed her TWA.
I kinda was and kinda wasn’t. I did a BC in high school – because I wanted to be a bad-ass! But I still didn’t get or appreciate textures that were tighter than mine. So I forced myself to find those images of women with tighter curls than mine that made them look fabulous, so that I could get use to seeing their beauty and appreciating it. I was a weird kid I guess, always trying to go against the grain. My parents criticized me for swimming upstream then, but they can see now how much that mindset has made me an awesome adult.
I used to think that naturals were militant or extremists where afro-centricity is concerned. I felt like “It doesn’t take all that.” Then around my second year of undergrad (’06) I began toying with the idea of it. This came after my mom made a comment that I’d look adorable with a big ol’ afro. Everyone laughed (my dad and sisters) especially when I asked why she wanted to turn me into Jill Scott. Now?
Jill Scott is one of my natural hair idols. I’m 8 months natural and loving my thick curly ‘fro. I’m not militant or extreme in my love for natural hair nor do I judge others who choose to be.; to each their own.
Funny thing is, whenever I mention that past comment to my mom (who has had a hard time accepting my natural hair) she denies ever saying it. It’s like she can’t take responsibility for planting that seed. And you know what? I really have her to thank for it.
I cant lie, i always thought natural hair considered being “nappy”. I still see dry twa’s and unkept dreads that still urk me! now that i am FULLY natural i loooove how my hair coils in my twa. when i first bc’d my lil sister laughed in my face and my dad does NOT like short hair. long hair is boring to me and i get bored really quick. my twa is healthy and moisturized and most of all CLEAN!! i hated washing my hair every 2-3 months to maintain my permed hair. my motto was “it works better when its dirty” product gunk n build up all up in my scalp for the sake of “looking good”.
the haters dont see and respect the vision of fellow twa’ers. the same ones laughing and wondering “why” are the same one’s who will be jealous of your natural tresses when its flowing and blowing in the wind years from now. So let em go ahead and hate wit their ragedy and broke off split ends, wondering why they hair dont grow past their ears! wheeew i had to vent on that one, lol…cuz in the end it’s ME who’s laughing cuz i want a big azz badu fro as my hater block!
Oh yes, sorry 2 say, 2 years ago, I would have seen someone like me with natural hair and commented she needs to perm that hair, she must not have any money or mirrors cuz she woulds not be walking around like that. Now, realizing that she would be much wiser than I, wearing braids with a relaxer!! We live and learn. Thank GOD for that.
I was never that girl. Natural hair really wasn’t a big deal in Kenya, but I was kid too. Who knows, I think right now I would cause some major drama?! I don’t have it in me to pay that much attention to others, I think it is because I’m probably a little too interested in myself lol.
This was yet another great post and I’m loving the honesy!
I was definitely that girl, now I realize those girls doing the big chop 8 years ago in college were light years ahead of the game!
I was exactly that girl who wanted to fit in. I didn’t think everyone’s natural hair was ugly, just mine. My own “nappy” hair. I was never taught about the natural beauty of my hair and how to care for it. Now after 2 years of transition and educating myself about my nautral “good” hair, I see how beautiful my nautral curls are. When I run into that girl who just wants to fit in, I’ll try to tactfully educate her so she can see the beauty in herself too.
Very interesting post. My mother cut off her hair when i was in junior high school to a TWA, after years of relaxing, curling, etc. I was pretty neutral about it because i thought it looked cute, but i remember getting angry every time someone told me that my father’s side of the family had “straight, Indian hair” and isn’t it a shame my hair did not stay as “straight and pretty” as when i was an infant (and don’t most babies hair textures change anyway?-geeesh) Secretly, i resented the kinky hair of my mother’s side, thinking they messed up my hair game-lol. Pretty darn sad, esp. now that I see how my real hair is so curly and glossy, with some nice kink that adds fullness/sexiness to it.
I have also been that girl. I saw a large group of natural sisters at a concert about 5 years ago. I was relaxed at the time, and I snickered at them along with my seat mates. I was still ignorant about natural hair back then. I used to think that it wasn’t attractive. Of course I have matured and realized that natural hair is beautiful. I have been natural for over a year, and I LOVE it!!!!! I take prode in being able to say that my hair is mine, naturally mine.
I definitely was that girl. I have always been told that I have “pretty” hair and that led me to believe that any other texture that was different than mine was “nappy”. I now HATE that word and will never ever think like that again. I love ALLLL textures of hair. It’s what makes up so unique and different and all of it is BEAUTIFUL!
Wonderful post!
I definitely WAS that girl. One of my former coworkers was natural, and she had very kinky 4b hair. I used to stare at her hair in awe, wondering why ANYONE in such a professional environment would wear their hair like hers.
Less than a year later, I was going natural. It pains me to think that I used to subscribe to the ‘good hair/bad hair’ mentality.
For the record, I’ve come to realize how BEAUTIFUL her hair is, and we keep in touch and swap hair tips now. Funny how people can make do a total 180.
I don’t think I was that girl towards other naturals as I was to myself. I had my hair relaxed from an early age, I’d say 10 0r 11 and didn’t go natural until I was 30. I absolutely hated any kink in my hair. I needed to fit in with my upper middle class Caucasian classmates even if I didn’t agree with what they were into. It was the height of the Preppie craze! UGH!
My mother was a hair dresser and just didn’t have a good relationship with her own curly hair! She would tell me that my hair wouldn’t grow and that I “didn’t get the good hair,” I had inherited my dad’s hair (which was African American “bad hair” as she called it.)
I went natural because I wasn’t able to prevent hair damage (and I took care of my shoulder length hair). Working an extremely stressful job caused alopecia ariata. Worse all the work in styling my hair would be doomed if there was the slightest bit a humidity in the air. Going natural 15+ years ago wasn’t easy. I got a little flack from some of the people I worked with. I was done and was committed to finally fitting in with myself.
Do I have relaxer hair envy on occasion–lord yes! Would I go back to all the blow drying, hair curlers, and not working out for the sake of my hair—NOOOOOO!
Plus I finally got my mother to like my twists which now are healthily past my shoulders!
I have never been “that” girl but I have been the butt of her jokes. A student at the school I teach came and told me her mother said my hair was too kinky to wear natural. I thought that was weird because perms had not been kind to her or her mother’s hair. All I could think of is if most people appreciated what they had instead of frying it and weaving it they may learn to take care of it and build their self esteem enough to see the beauty in others too. After all we know that no one who knows they look good has need to put anyone down to bring themselves up.
I haven’t been THAT girl to others but i held THAT opinion of natural hair for my own head. I read Pamela Ferrell’s and Lonnice B. Bonner’s books in the 90s. Those were the first images of loose, styled natural hair besides locs altho i live in a major NE US city. As natural headed women emerged, i loved their head and paid many a compliment. I even helped my sister go natural.
But for myself, i wasn’t done with perm. I love the fly looks and i held very negative views of my own natural hair. I thought it was too nappy, ungrowable and unmanageable. Those views lingered from childhood teasing about my ‘kitchen’ and weekly putdown sessions when my mother did my hair.
Thanks for the honesty ladies..this natural journey takes you places you couldn’t ever imagine before, doesnt it?
I remember in college a girl I worked with on campus had a BIG A$$ kinky afro and she used to rock a huge puff with the best of them. I was 22 and I COULD NOT understand why her hair was SO unruly (and I went to Howard, a black college, LOL). I used to think gosh she NEVER combs her hair. And now, only a few yrs later, I would KILL to have her BIG A$$ kinky Fro. Lol. But truthfully that was about 7 yrs ago and my head was in a WHOLE other place then, things change, life changes!
I was that girl too! My cousin who is two years younger than me had natural hair, and I used to think “man, she would be beautiful if she did something (by something, I meant relaxer) with her hair. When I decided that I wanted to go natural, I called her for advice on how to care for my hair, and found out that to my horror (and hers apparently) that she had caved when she turned 18 and had gotten a relaxer. I tried to convince her to transition with me, but she wasn’t ready.