Women who were outraged about a promotion from a club for free admission for light skinned women
Newly Natural often addresses the discrimination that kinky hair receives on a regular basis. It seems to be an acceptable thing to put down the natural texture of African American hair. It seems that one can use the terms “good hair” and “bad hair” with little to no repercussions.
I remember thinking how odd it was that it was ok to blatantly tell someone that their hair was “too” nappy, but skin color seemed to be off limits. Our skin and hair textures are both something that we can not control, that are assigned to us at birth. Yet, when it gets down to it, it’s more socially acceptable to go for the hair than the skin. Is it because most AA women relax their hair? I have no idea.
Skin tones may not be discussed as openly, but the undercurrents are still there.
In my experiences, I have heard it discussed more openly. Some of you may or may not recognize the term “color struck”. From urban dictionary:
When an African American is attracted to a lighter complexion African American exclusively. In spite of what their own complexion may be.
Also “colorstruck”:
To have an aversion to someone’s skin color; usually used in the African-American community, especially in the Southern U.S
As I’ve said before, I work with infants. African American infants, especially premature ones, can be born with lighter skin that will darken as they get older. You would not believe (I say you wouldn’t believe, because I can’t believe it sometimes!) the number of parents who come in squabbling over the child’s skin color.
Scenario #1:
Baby is born and significantly lighter than both parents due to prematurity. Mom shakes her head and says sheepishly : “I don’t know where he got that pretty color and hair from, he didn’t get it from me or his daddy”
I am always momentarily stunned when I hear something like this. First, I’m surprised that people think that the baby’s hair is going to stay that way. I mean, I was born with practically straight hair (a lot of AA babies are). It certainly ain’t straight now. Is this just not common knowledge?
Second, the skin color changing may not be as well known to someone who’s not around infants that much, but why does it have to “pretty” because it’s not as dark as the parents?
Scenario #2:
Mom walks in a sees her baby for the first time. “Ooooh she’s so light! Is she going to stay that way?” The nurse shows her the baby’s ears, which are about two shades darker than the baby, a tad darker than mom.
“She’ll get a bit darker. Maybe about that color” the nurse reassures her.
“Oh Lord!” the Mom exclaims and frowns.
I swear to you this happens. And it happens often. Both scenarios.
And these moms are not older women either, but from the teens to early 20s.
“Colorstruck” was a term that I grew up with. Granted, I live in the deep South and I feel that it’s more prevalent here. But I suspect that it exists all over on differing levels.
If you have noticed, I have a caramelish skin tone. My mother was much darker (deep chocolate) than me and made sure that I knew as a young child that my skin color did not make me better or worst than any one else. Nor did anyone’s skin being lighter than mine make them better or worst. She’d spent a lot of time around activists and I think it was important to her that I did not grow up with a lot of the same ideas she did.
However, when I went out in the world, to school, to church, it was a different story. It’s the bitter and sad truth that light skinned AAs are treated differently by other AAs. My own grandmother, whom I loved to death, would refer to people as “ugly as sin and black as tar”.
This of course stems from the days of slavery, when the slaves created their own divisions based on hair texture and skin color. Fast forward to our more liberated days and there are still paper bag parties at AA colleges in the 1960s.
In case you don’t know what a paper bag party is (From the wikipedia):
From 1900 until about 1950 in the larger black neighborhoods of major American cities, “paper bag parties” are said to have taken place. Some organizations used the “brown paper bag” principle as a test for entrance. People at many churches, fraternities and nightclubs would take a brown paper bag and hold it against a person’s skin. If a person was lighter or the same color as the bag, he or she was admitted. People whose skin was not lighter than a brown paper bag were denied entry.
Fast forward to our modern, more enlightened time and we still have these goingons. The following is from an NPR article called “For Light Skinned Only?”:
The “Light Skin Libra Birthday Bash,” which was to take place at Detroit’s Club APT, was the brainchild of a self described “dark-skinned” African-American Detroit DJ and party promoter. The party was intended to let “light-skinned” black women into a downtown club for free. In his defense, Ulysses “DJ Lish” Barnes, said that he had plans for “Sexy Chocolate” and “Sexy Caramel” parties too. The good news is that the parties have been canceled after much criticism and calls for boycotts and lawsuits.
Also:
More recently there was the University of Georgia’s 2006 controversial study on skin tone which confirmed that light-skinned blacks are often more likely to be considered for jobs over dark-skinned blacks.
Wrap it all together and what you get a classic example of Dr. Joy DeGruy-Leary’s P.T.S.S., otherwise known as post-traumatic slave syndrome.
You know, I can’t think of one time that I witnessed or heard of white children taunting each other for being paler than the next, but I can think of numerous occasions where I have seen black children teasing each other for being “too black.”
And while our lighter skin shades can be attributed to the Massuh’s preference for his female black slaves over his own wife, we can’t blame the Massuh for us continuing to feed into the hype that light is good and dark is bad.
Truer words were never spoken.
So what’s the point of this blog post? I have no idea. It upsets me about natural hair being scorned, but this upsets me too because it is yet another form of self hatred. I know a lot of people might say that we are beyond this, and I can only speak for my neck of the woods, but it’s not. It’s still alive. It’s swept under the rug more than hair discrimination, but that doesn’t meant it’s not as deeply ingrained.
Chime in! Is this a big deal where you live? Is Kcurly overreacting?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
great post! this is why i say i need to move to a remote island. it’s not just in america, the same is true of the caribbean. i can’t speak about certain african countries but i wouldn’t be surprised if this holds true. it happens in indian and other asian countries.
i don’t expect validation from society but i do believe we all deserve to be accepted and respected of our unique differences (including skin color and hair texture)
there are so many bigger issues to worry about (like if your baby is HEALTHY) but we like to focus on the uncontrollables instead of taking control of our lives.
You’re definitely not overreacting. Even if people don’t talk about it as much, colorism is still alive and well. I’m about the same color as you and some of the comments/approaches that guys have made make me feel downright uncomfortable, almost like I’m being fetishized. I also have a friend who is a medium brown complexion who is convinced that her life would be so much better if she was light skinned and skinny (long hair wouldn’t hurt either). It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even bother to try and convince her otherwise, even though it’s sad to see someone place someone else’s beauty on such a pedestal that they fail to recognize their own beauty.
No you are definitely not overreacting. As a dark-skinned female I cannot count the times black men have made the comment “you’re cute for a dark-skinned girl” WTH! Its as if women with darker complexions are not attractive. I myself have never had a complex or issue with my skin tone but I know other women with low self-esteem and who feel that they are not pretty enough because they are not light enough.
Great post! This is sadly still an issue in our community. Very well written.
While I respect the post and the issues that you are stating. I would like to bring up an issues with the post. You do not at all talk about the fact that individuals have issues with “light skinned” brothers and sister. Males who are light skinned are seen as being weaker then their “darker” male counterparts. At the same time women who are light skinned are also made fun of because their skin tone. They are seen as not being completely black or they skin tone is always up a topic of discussion. Women who are light skinned are told “you are nice for a light skinned girl” or “you don’t think your a princess like all those other skinned girls”. Or the many times I have been reading about black women and if there is a group of women who are of light complexion the first statement is that these women are too light. However, if there were a list of women who are of dark complexion no one would say why are the light skinned women not represented. I respect the post but at the same time lets just say that community attacks both colors. We need to be aware that both sides are being attacked and instead of us hating each other we need to love each other.
L.B. you are absolutely right. I’d thought about adding something to the post about a girl I used to know what was light skinned and felt that she needed to put herself down all the time in front of other black people so they wouldn’t think she was uppity or better than everyone else. She would make very unflattering comparisons of the tone of her skin.
Great post, and the tragic thing is many of these color struck Black people don’t even realize how much they hate themselves. I have a friend who is a gorgeous very deep chocolate color, and she has had natural, very long hair all her life. She told me in high school other Black girls would talk about her in her presence as if she wasn’t there, and say stuff like “she too black & crispy to have all that pretty hair” and then they would cackle.
And the light skin favoritism you noted. I had a classmate who was light skinned Vanessa Williams pretty- golden skin, hazel green eyes, thick dark blonde hair. First day of our class together she made a beeline for me (I am a choco color, and we were the only two Black students in the huge class) and introduced herself to me with “I am so glad there’s another Black girl in this class with me, somebody to talk to”. We were in the hallway once talking and I asked her where she was raised. A loud mouthed dark skinned male hall monitor walked up in between us, stood with his back to me (facing her) and said “tell her none of her damn business where your fine, bright (!) self came from” like it was ok to dis the dark girl while praising the light skinned girl -nevermind that he was about 3 shades darker than I am, and we were teens and he a grown man. In my (teenager) defense I told him “nobody was speaking to your rusty dusty a–” and she and I cracked up laughing while we ran down the hall. But it is amazing how racism has damaged so many of us in numerous ways, it’s like a mental illness.
all that to say, no you’re not over-reacting KCurly-lol
OK, here it is. First to L.B., she has NO IDEA of what the plight is like to exist is a world were the ideal standard of beauty is something that celebrates skin hue and structure that is as foreign to us as is America. She may have experienced some taunting in school early on but that taunting is now celebrated as she is now accepted into an “elite” group of “lighter/better” breed of females. We can simply go on and on and on with this for another 400 years, bottom line. WE have to make the difference by BEING the difference and celebrating OUR hair with PRIDE and holding OURSELVES in high esteem even if no one else does. WE can define our OWN standard of beauty, and we WILL, everytime we refuse to “lye” to ourselves.
Great post!! I experience this often while out with my daughter (she has her dad’s darker tone). I’m always asked if she is my child. The questions are not from children, they are from adults who should know better! When will they learn that we come in all different shades!? I constantly talk to my daughter about how beautiful her skin is and she loves it!!
I think you are right on point. It’s very disconcerting how to see how race is still in issue within the black community. I just wrote a personal essay along the same lines, but I focused on the music industry and how the dark skinned men are always exalting “yellow bone” this or “red bone” that. I stopped watching music videos last year specifically because it misrepresented the black community when all you see are light skinned women. According to those videos, there are no black women darker than a paper bag. In my opinion it just equals self hate. How can you be as dark as hershey bar, look in the mirror, and only talk about how beautiful light skinned woman are? Though I guess that’s just the society we’re raised in. When all you see are light skinned women on tv representing black women, then what can you expect. The mentatility rubs off. It’s sad. I think you should embrace your own color and everyone else’s. It’s all beautiful!
kcurly that girl ur referring to was ME!! from my elem days i was dubbed w/the “typical light skin” stereotype and didnt make friends becuz of my tone. i didnt care i got all the attn from boys n etc, i just wanted to know how can somebody pre-judge me without even knowing me or bothering to speak to me! This same scenario still carries on and im 29 now. School Daze is my all time FAVVVV becuz i like how spike lee captured this untold “secret” in the AA comm. Even though it was made in the 80′s its still relevant today.
people used to comment on how pretty my hair is, how pretty my skin is and i would always downplay it becuz i didnt want to come across wit being conceited. I actually have a friend who said “i didnt know you’d be so down to earth becuz light skin girls are stuck up”. WHAT?? I got called big bird, wonder bread, high yella, white girl, house nigga and etc all becuz both of my grandma’s are light skin. I cant help it.
My son is 3 and i almost felt bad that he got my complexion becuz i know the type of abuse i had to go through. people testing you cuz they think u soft. i just KNEW since his dad is wesley snipes chocolate that he’d have some type of tone…NOPE!! we are exactly the SAME, lol. they already calling him a playboy, pretty boy not to mention he has light hazel grayish-green eyes **sigh** im enrolling him in karate and boxing lessons ASAP!! i just dont want the compliments to go to his head ya know. So yes, kcurly, excellent topic of discussion. i work with white folks and they have no clue of this issue. i mentioned the brown paper bag test and they looked so puzzled, lol. oh yea..its real out here! good job!
TWO thumbs up and 5******* for Roz!!!! I know u got an “A” on that paper, u r right on target lady.
Thanks Melinda!
ladies, thank you all for your input. It is a touchy issue, so I applaud everyone for keeping things civil.
I know that through talking things out that and bring it out into the open that we can lessen this issue for the next generation.
To Melinda,
I hope you are not a black woman. How dare you put down another individual’s experience. That is exactly what I’m talking about. I’m suppose to feel less of an individual and feel the shame from the black community for a skin tone that I did not ask for nor did I choose. On top of that you do not know my experience as a black woman. I have never been been an elite woman whose skin tone has allowed her special privileges that other blacks have not had. Yet, once again you assume that I have. You make assumptions and show how ignorant and disrespectful you are to your own race and to someone who is in the same oppressive boat as you. I came on to this post to say that we just need to understand that we are all black women trying to make uplift our race. You on the other hand try to say me experience is petty compared to others and that my life is easy. you know nothing about my life. You know nothing about my struggle. So don’t sit here and talk about how we need to come together as a race when I said that earlier and then you turn around and put me down and try to isolate me and my experience because to you that isn’t the true black experience. Take some self love classes because when you love your self then maybe you will learn to love someone who is going through just as much oppression as you.
L.B., Yes, I am a Black Woman and Yes, I stand by my claim. Call it what you may and YES, the petty whoes of a light skinned woman does not eeevvven compare to the struggles that I have seen my more brown hued sisters endure. BTW, I myself am not a richly hued sister myself but do empathize with the plight of my sisters, I know their struggeles in the racially biased USA. Thank you. Again.
I had hoped this could be discussed calmly, but I see that it is getting heated.
I do think that darker skin women catch more trouble than lighter skinned women. However, I don’t think that someone being called things such as “house n*****” and assumptions made about their character simply based on their skin tones deserves to be minimized. That is wrong too and also should not be swept under the rug.
I thankful to both sides that were presented in this issue. But let’s be respectful to one another and our experiences.
I might be lightskinned, but I still get followed in the store sometimes. Putting down someone else’s experiences does not make them disappear.
I considered closing down the comments for this post. But that would not be in line with what I wanted to do when writing it: Help bring this to light.
Ugh.. reading stuff like this depresses me. This isn’t just a AA thing. Its a Latino thing too. We just put it in a different box and call it something else. Slavery for us was ended like 300 years ago so I’m not sure what’s the problem.
Good points all around…
Re: white people making fun of each others’ skin tones, that happens too. Especially if a person is deemed “too pale”. They get grief from other white people for being see through, that they’ll melt in the sun, etc. Maybe it’s not the same as the colorism in the AA world, but it happens to white people too.
Just realize that many people (of any color, race, ethnic background) choose to insult others based on their perception of what they think people should be. Is it fair or mature to make fun of someone for something they can’t control or choose? Of course not, but people do it, and as long as these lies are continually repeated they will stay with us.
L.B. I think you got it twisted a little bit.. no one was minimizing your experience from what I can see. I think people were saying that you’re not alone in being pre-judged based on skin color.
Kcurly, re: your mother’s warnings.. I’ve gotten those warnings too from “friends” over the years. I wondered why by looking at me they immediately came to the conclusion that I was conceited since my actions should have told them otherwise. Probably because other people told THEM that “light skinned folks are conceited” they made assumptions based on the teaching they received to be prejudiced (or at least suspicious) of an entire group of people they don’t even know.
Again it’s just ol Willie Lynch’s work still being done even though he’s long dead and turned to dust.. when will people wake up and realize colorism is a tool of division?
See, Kcurly, that’s why I like reading your blog. You keep it real and you keep it CIVIL. Anyone with a mind and a heart for others can see that things like this cut both ways. There’s no one “good” shade of brown/black because, in the end, someone will find fault with it. One person’s too “light” or “dark” is just right for someone else. I found myself wishing I was darker growing up (and I’m *not hardly* a shade of brown that could “pass”) because for one I find darker skin beautiful and another I thought it would take away the ambiguity in many of my interactions with others (the whole “I thought you were such and such because…” and the whispers/rumors mess). I had to come to terms with loving the skin I’m in in a literal way and an emotional one (overcoming other hangups unassociated with color). Is this the experience of everyone?? Nope. I’m just talking about me.
The example of the DJ you gave is disgusting and the parental reactions just sad. The reality of having others make assumptions about someone based on color makes me sick. The thing that’s sicker is when someone is wronged in this way and turns around and does it to someone else.
OnceUponTime,
“OK, here it is. First to L.B., she has NO IDEA of what the plight is like to exist is a world were the ideal standard of beauty is something that celebrates skin hue and structure that is as foreign to us as is America. She may have experienced some taunting in school early on but that taunting is now celebrated as she is now accepted into an “elite” group of “lighter/better” breed of females.”
I think if you read this statement then maybe you will retract the statment that you just said. If this is not minimizing me then I don’t know what is.
OnceUponaTime,
My statements were directed to Melinda, I wasn’t talking to anyone else on the blog or statement.