Jennifer, thank you so much for this. I think it’s important to note that you can be natural for years and still have those childhood and media ideals in your head. These ideals can make us self conscious for a long time. Kudos to you for continuing to learn and love your hair!
See more of Jennifer and her beautiful tresses at her blog: http://beingpurposeful.wordpress.com
My last perm was in 2001.
But only recently have I learned how to properly take care of my hair, and worn it in its full bushy glory on a weekly basis. I have learned conditioner is my BFF, and that I can not leave my hair in twists or braids for months at a time (or out for more than a few days) without the consequences of dealing with loc-ed pieces all over. I have learned that my hair does fall out (because its suppose to), but I have a gazillion hairs on my head so I should not panic when I seen those gold curlicue pieces on the floor. I have learned that my hair doesn’t have the ability to lay flat on my hair in any style I have, and I look good with poofy hair.
All in all, it’s been a challenge to love my natural curly hair, and I think I am succeeding.
Attitudes I’ve had about my hair stem from what is common in society and what is common in my family. Women wearing natural hair styles are few in any location in the US; Bushes, afros, puffs, large ‘Celie’ braids, and twists are not seen as frequently as weaves, extensions, or just permed straightened hair. Finding a salon which does not bulk at the texture of my hair OR expect me to ask for a perm are few and far between. I go to one salon in my area when I have some extra income, but primarily I do it myself.
I only know 1 family member beside myself who wears her hair natural in public, and the rest have perms, wigs, or weaves. Growing up I did not have any role models for my keeping my hair natural or any real guidance on how to take care of my permed hair. My mom gave me a relaxer when I was 7 years old, and since then I felt like I had a perpetual bad hair day. I never could maintain my hair and I just put it into ponytails or wore it in braids. I had split ends all the time, and my hair never really grew beyond shoulder length. My hair is dense, which always posed a problem for styling my permed hair because it never laid flat, no matter what I did, permed, wore a scarf, some flat ironing here and there…it always turned into puffed-up mass on my head. So that proper laying down hairstyle with some curly ends was always a little out of reach for me.
Even after I stopped perming, I continued to just wear my hair in braids , because it was easy, cheap and low maintenance, but in retrospect my hair was ok, but not ‘healthy.’
I continued that practice until a few years ago after researching how to take care of natural hair, after a desire to experiment more with my hair. So now I mix between French braids, twists, and an afro – twists being my dominate style. I’ve avoiding getting braids now because my hair is longer (and I swear thicker) and the small braids I use to wear would take at least 2 days and require a lot of upper arm strength. I don’t do small twists anymore either unless I get them done at the salon.
For me, as a super self-conscious individuals, I am still not accustomed to compliments or stares as I walk through the city with a bush or large twists. People who walk past me and start laughing are the enemies of my self-esteem – and I constantly have to adjust my thinking, because 99% of the time they are NOT laughing at me. I have to say a mantra to myself that “I am not my hair, but my hair is my choice and a reflector of who I am, where I come from, and where I am going.”
It’s a journey that I am still taking.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m glad this was shared. I been natural my whole life and just started appreciating my natural texture and it’s always a battle in terms of public perception. But I’m getting there. Good luck with your beautiful tresses.
It was really a pleasure to read this story as someone who is going on her 2nd year of natural. I am so inspired to know that it trully is a journey and I am looking forward to continuing to love my self and the hair that came with it…I also am reading your blogs and I enjoy them as well…keep it up
Thanks so much for posting my story, and thanks to everyone for their support on my journey – I wish you good travels on yours as well!
Thank you for posting. Interesting point about many family members not knowing (not wanting to know) how to deal with natural hair and the lack of local role models.
I loved this and I can relate as I am learning to love my natural hair more and more. I have been natural for 7 months but I have enjoyed it, the successes as well as the challenges. Thanks for sharing and I like the mantra too.
Jennifer,
Thanks so much for your story. I recently BC’d for the 2nd time on July 16th. I did it once before in May of 2008 and one year later in May of 2009 I permed my hair again. At that time I was not sure how to take care of my natural hair, although I loved the feel of it. It was and is constantly dry and im trying some of the things that the other naturals do but nothing really sems to work but I will continue on my journey until I find me a regimen. I have a really short twa so I probably look in the mirror a hundred times a day..why I dont know. I also dont have those “curls that pop” like alot of naturals, no matter what I seem to put in my hair. Im learning to embrace my hair and all that it is or not ever going to be, but the journey is interesting because of the way we have been raised to have perms as the norm. I wont revert back but everyday is not a easy day to be “a natural”.
Thank you for your story, Jennifer. I really enjoyed reading it. I can relate as a long-term natural (14 years) who still struggles with frustration with my hair and lack of confidence. I find a lot of comfort in stories like yours and blogs like this one. It’s emppowering to see and hear from people with hair like mine. I also think one of the keys is to not make your hair (or yourself for that matter) be something that it’s not. Work with what you’ve got and be proud. Good luck!