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Ask Kcurly

Post image for Ask Kcurly: Straight Ends/ Pregnancy?

Ask Kcurly: Straight Ends/ Pregnancy?

by kcurly on March 8, 2010

in Ask Kcurly

Email from Yvette:

Hi KCurly,

Let me start off by saying that I love your website.  I consider myself natural in the sense that I haven’t chemically straightened my hair for five and a half years.  However, I have been pressing my hair (using a flat iron and a hot comb).  I just recently discovered that my hair looks a lot better if I only use a flat iron and the excess heat of a hot comb is probably not the best idea.  Anyway, I decided to try something new with my hair and that is what has led me to your site, as well as other natural sites.  I feel that with African American hair, there’s so much versatility so why not explore!  The first, and only style I’ve tried thus far is the twist out, but my ends seem to be straight when I’m done.  After I wash my hair, half of it is all coiled and the other half is coiled with straight ends.  And I assume that’s just how my hair is.  I say all this to ask, what would you suggest to rectify these straight ends?  With the rest of the hair all curled, the straightness at the tips don’t mesh.

I appreciate your time to read this email and again, I love the site.

Blessings,

Yvette

Yvette!

Welcome to the world of natural hair styling. I’m glad that you’re experimenting.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you may have some heat damage, hence the side of your hair with straight ends. It could be possible that you have some straight hair naturally, but the fact that only the ends are straight leads me to believe otherwise.

You may want to try a twist n curl to solve this. Simply twist as you were doing before, but stop before you reach the ends. Then secure the end with a roller or perm rod. Let it dry completely before undoing it. This is also a good transitioning style for those who still have relaxed ends.

For a long run solution (if you want to continue wearing natural styles), you may want to consider slowly clipping off the straight ends until the damage is gone.

Take care and happy hair styling!

From Ashleigh:

Kcurly,

Thanks for the great information on your blog! I just found out that I am pregnant and heard that rosemary is not good for pregnant women to use. Is this true? I want to add some to my shea butter.

Thanks for the email!  A lot of newly natural ladies start mixing up their own hair concoctions. And essential oils can be a big part of that. However, we need to be careful, especially if one is pregnant.

From What to Expect When You’re Expecting: 4th Edition
:

Pregnant women should particularly avoid the following oils because some of them can trigger uterine contractions: basil, juniper, rosemary, sage, peppermint, pennyroyal, oregano, and thyme. (Midwives often use these oils during labor precisely because they trigger contractions.)If you have had an aromatherapy massage with these oils (or used them in home bath or treatments), don’t worry. The absorption of the oils is very low, especially because the skin on your back is pretty thick. Just steer clear of them in future treatments.Scented lotions or beauty products sold at bath and beauty shops (like peppermint foot lotion, for instance) are fine since the scents aren’t concentrated.

Just be careful and ask your doctor beforehand if you are concerned. If you really want to be on the safe side, just postpone your experimenting until your child is born.

This is from the NAHA (National Association for  Holistic Aromatherapy) website:

We used to advise not at all in the first three months, and then maybe only quite prudently, pointing to a long history of anecdotal reportage of safe use. However various regulatory bodies concerned with the toxicological effects of essential oils on both sides of the pond have pointed out that detailed evidence of the effects of essential oils on human reproductive toxicology is missing. We also know that foetal and infant detoxification mechanisms are under-developed and we understand them poorly. It would be the choice of (Safety Chair) therefore to err on the side of extreme caution and not use essential oils during pregnancy, although this policy might be considered rather extreme by some.

Honestly, this is probably the plan I would follow, total avoidance. It’s only 9 months, you have years to experiment!

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Post image for Ask Kcurly: BC Blues

Ask Kcurly: BC Blues

by kcurly on February 9, 2010

in Ask Kcurly, Big Chop

Hi!

I had been transitioning since August 2008 and finally decided to chop off the relaxed hair a few weeks back. When I cut off my hair, I just KNEW my hair was going to have a great curl. I figured wrong! My hair ended up looking similar to yours after your BC. What products did you use to get the curl definition?

Thanks in advance,

Toiaya

Tolaya,

Congrats on your BC! First of all, a lot of people kind of have “after shocks” following the BC. In other words,  your hair can sometimes act a little off. A lot of people experience dryness, etc.

Before I go into curl definition, I must first make a point that I often try to get across here. My hair did not turn out as I envisioned it when going natural. You have to learn to love your hair for what it is. It’s easy for me to type that, but a lot harder for it to be ingrained in the psyche. Believe me, I know.

If relaxed Kcurly could see present Kcurly’s hair, she probably would not have gone natural. My hair texture, though curly, is not what I initially envisioned. I have mentally transitioned, as they say on the hair forums, to accept my hair as it grows out of my head (along with all of the wonderful things it can do!).

I try to encourage newly natural ladies to not focus so much on curl definition. You will go crazy and use up a lot of product, money, and time. I went through a time period when I was washing my hair 2-3 times a day to get the perfect curl. Looking back, that’s ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting at all, but I was obsessed with having loose curls. I was doing everything I could not to have a ‘fro.

Better energy can be spent on learning more about what your hair can do instead of trying to make it into someone else’s hair.  All of this is said with love! And don’t get wrong, I’m not against defining one’s curls. I just think one should love one’s hair regardless of it curls or not.

So, having said all that, here is some information for curl definition. I know you asked about products, but I’ve found that technique is usually more important than the products. But check out my Products I Love section for recommendations as well as combination examples.

My first advice is to pamper your hair. Get the moisture going and take care of it. If you have curls or coils, they will come out on their own when your hair is healthy and moisturized.

I did a post awhile back on Curl Definition . You can find some tips there for what worked for me. Combing my hair makes the curls separate, so if your hair is like mine, you may want to try fingercombing to encourage curls. Also piggybacking off a style like a twist out or braid out encourages my hair to curl. My hair is curly, but not incredibly so.

You may also want to take a look at Terri’s Curly Primer method. It did not work for me and her product recommendations didn’t agree with my hair, but a lot of people swear by it. Also similar, Miss Jessie’s has a good shingling guide. You can substitute similar products if you don’t have access to MJ’s.

Anyway, I hope this post helped you some and I know you will come to love your hair once you two get to know each other better. :)

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Post image for Ask Kcurly

Ask Kcurly

by kcurly on January 21, 2010

in Ask Kcurly, Tips

Hello Kcurly,
In September 2009, I decided I wanted to be chemical free and start wearing my naturally curly hair. I have a really dry/coarse grade of hair so I knew it would be a challenge. So I informed my step mom and she gave me information about a Keratin Treatment that may make the transition a little easier (she swears by this stuff).

Needless to say, I tried and IT failed. The skin around my edges started to peel and I began to shed a lot more than normal. I told her about this and she suggested I should keep moisturizing it, and said the flat iron may have been too hot. I thought it was an allergic reaction or it was done wrong. During the next month and a half, I became a proud owner of three new bald spots!!! I then realized my hair could not be saved and I went to have it all chopped off. That was the most emotional moment for me. I wanted to try the transition gradually, and be more comfortable with the thought of being a “bald” woman; so let’s just say, this is what caused my big-cut-decision.

About a week after the BC I decided “hey let’s try a texturizer.” Granted, that made me a little more accepting of the cut because it didn’t look so dry and I had some curl definition, but I didn’t want to have to rely on chemicals anymore. I only wore my hair out in public ONE time after that. I didn’t like the cream that was suggested by the manufacturer because it left a nasty film on my hair. Another one I tried, within their line, left my hair crunchy. I have no idea what to use or try. After all of the disappointment I decided not to put another texturizer in my hair, and continue with my original plan.

Well, now it’s January and I’ve been covering up this “mess” with hats and head wraps. Last week I decided to go to the barber shop and have it cut again. As of right now, I have no more chemically treated hair on my head. BUT, I’m back to covering it up because I don’t know how to moisturize it, and keep it looking nice and healthy. Also, he cut it a lot shorter than it was when I first started.

I read a few of the product reviews and suggestions you posted, and I have no idea where to start. You gave so many great options I got a little overwhelmed. Do you, and fellow readers, have any suggestions for beginners? I currently wash and condition my hair with Silk Elements product line, and I have been using Mostions moisturizer on my hair. I realized the moisturizer isn’t doing much because a) my hair eats it all up and it doesn’t even last at least two hours, b) I have to put almost the whole bottle in at one time, and c) my hair is still very brittle. If I scratch my head the wrong way I have hair falling from my head. Help me guys!!!

Thanks,
Tiara

Tiara, you have been through it, girl! I hope your experiences show other newly naturals the road of chemical alteration is fraught with peril. (Think you want a texture softener? Read this post!)

Now on to your questions. This post and this post have suggestions for keeping moisture in your hair (or rather, this is what’s worked for me).

The products that you’re using…I’m not familiar with the Silk Elements line, but the Motions moisturizer is garbage, to be quite frank. Get away from the stuff with mineral oil or petroleum in it. That’s why it’s just sitting on your hair. Stuff like that is ok on top of something moisturizing, as with the Chicoro method (she uses vaseline to seal in after using conditioner) but to rely on it by itself makes my hair into a hot mess.

Now, once you’ve tried everything else, you may want to try eliminating silicones. That is not for everyone, but they do cause some people to have buildup and dry hair.

You have a TWA so keep it simple. I first suggest you do a shampoo to start with a clean slate. Do a good DC (check the ingredients, if you are short on money Lustrasilk has an awesome DC), and go from there.  Conditioner wash when you need to, sleep with a satin scarf/pillowcase, deep condition, moisturize as needed, try to limit the shampooing, oil your scalp as need.

Most importantly, read, read, read and educate yourself. Good luck!

Maybe some readers will have some more suggestions for you!

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Post image for Ask Kcurly–Headband Damage

Ask Kcurly–Headband Damage

by kcurly on January 8, 2010

in Ask Kcurly, Hair Accessories, Tips

An excerpt of an email from Denise:
Hello Kcurly!

Have been enjoying your site for almost a year. Thanks!!!

I’ve a couple of questions…

can you speak to the dangers of hair accessories. which are safe? how can the consumer use them wisely? ( head bands in particular)

I have crazy thin temples…I’m thinking that my use of headbands are the culbrit? should I use more oil in these spots…like coconut oil or something?

Denise, thanks so much for the email and I apologize for me taking so long to get back to you.

Headbands can be the culprit of thinning edges and nape. The traction of a tightly applied headband and the fabric of the headband itself are both a danger.  I know newly natural ladies rely heavily on headbands…Goodness knows I did, but caution must be taken.

  • Satin or silk headbands are the best  choices for headbands if possible.
  • When using the Goody ouchless headbands, make sure to soak them an oil or conditioner before putting them on your head. Also stretch them out before you use them. I wrap them around my bedpost tightly for a few days before I use them.
  • Apply extra oil or moisturizer to your edges and nape before putting on the headband or scarf does help. These also need to not be too tight.
  • Take a break from them. Try other styles that you’d feel more comfortable wearing without a headband

{ 4 comments }

Post image for Ask Kcurly: Natural in the Military

Ask Kcurly: Natural in the Military

by kcurly on January 7, 2010

in Ask Kcurly, Military

I joined the army in march 2009 and went to basic in May 2010. Its been almost a year ago. I  felt that I made a big mistake when it came to joining. I’m what you call a free thinker and I was natural before coming into the army I had a pretty a little uneven twa and I really loved it.

I couldn’t do much things with it but I loved wearing it freestyle out in the open the wind in my hair. I use to wear handbands and hair tye hairband and I loved it. When I went to basic training they told me I had to relax it or I wouldn’t go to basic traning and I wouldn’t graduate. I held on for a month  but gave up my pride and got the relaxer. I looked horrible.

I don’t like weaves and braids or any fake hair at all and thats what people been telling me to get the male sergents now its even worse they get the black female sergents on there side. I told my old drill sergents when I was in basic that I was going natural and she told me that we all have to be uniforum so I must get a perm thats the way of the army.

My hair is growing but everytime I look at old photo’s I start to cry it’s almost like I lost my self by joining. Even the females with short nhair are permed . I just don’t know what to do i like my job and working in the army it’s just people. my twa was beatiful sorry can’t stop thing about it it was hard to descrbe it was really thing kinda spongy and like deep spiral curls it grew up it was perfect. Well I was just wondering on any advice thank you in advance and sorry it was so long

D,

Thanks for the email and I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is a common issue among naturals and I’ve seen a lot on this on the hair forums. The truth of the matter, from what I have read and some contacts that I’ve made, is that you are supposed to be able to wear your natural hair.

Here are the guidelines, that I found:
Styles that are lopsided or distinctly unbalanced are prohibited. Ponytails, pigtails, or braids that are not secured to the head (allowing hair to hang freely), widely spaced individual hanging locks, and other extreme styles that protrude from the head are prohibited. Extensions, weaves, wigs, and hairpieces are authorized; however, these additions must have the same general appearance as the individual’s natural hair. Additionally, any wigs, extensions, hairpieces, or weaves must comply with the grooming policies set forth in this paragraph.

Females will ensure that hairstyles do not interfere with proper wear of military headgear and protective masks or equipment at any time. When headgear is worn, the hair will not extend below the bottom edge of the front of the headgear, nor will it extend below the bottom edge of the collar.

I find it interesting that the guidelines say that the weave must match the person’s natural texture. There must be a lot of rule breakers with a silky straight weave. Anyway…

I called three of my local recruitment offices and asked them all the same questions: Is it required that women relax their hair?  Are cornrows acceptable? They all replied that as long as it was off the collar and did not interfere with headgear that it was not a big deal.

I can understand that an afro might impede wearing a helmet. However, cornrows or coils seem to be a good idea as far as this is concerned. Please ask your drill sergeant about this and show them the regulations. I know you probably don’t want to rock the boat, but there are a lot of naturals in the army who have not had to relax their hair. And you shouldn’t have to either.  It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Having regulations in the military is important. It keeps people safe and it keeps the unit moving as a team. However, your superiors are obviously just biased against natural hair. Which is a shame, considering that you said that they are AA.

If you do not want to say anything or go to a higher up, why do they even have to know you’re going natural? I know you hate weaves, but sometimes the ends justify the means. Getting a weave might help you conceal that you’re going natural. Another option might be to closely crop your hair. As in a Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Afro, or a fade. But I know that may be a bit drastic for you.

I’m not a military girl, so I can’t suggest anything as far as fighting this properly. But I do know we have some ladies in the military who are readers. Perhaps they can chime.

I’m going to look into this more for you and hopefully update this.

{ 10 comments }

Post image for Ask Kcurly- Why don’t I love my hair?

Ask Kcurly- Why don’t I love my hair?

by kcurly on December 31, 2009

in Ask Kcurly, Big Chop, Body and Mind

An email from T:

Hello K Curly!

Since finding your blog, I have been a faithful reader. In fact, I’m a natural hair blog junkie! I think natural hair is absolutely beautiful! I love seeing pictures of women (and men) who are confident enough to wear their hair in gorgeous natural styles.

Except when I see pictures of myself.

See, I’ve been natural for over a year now. I’ve been hiding it with braids for more than half of that time. In May 2008, I just chopped it off. I had no real purpose or goal in mind, just became very frustrated and cut it all off. And I loved it! I got compliments all of the time about my short hair and how well it suited me. As time went on and my hair started to grow (not fast enough for my liking), I became frustrated again. I didn’t know how to care for my hair. My mother helped a bit, but added her two cents about the benefits of a relaxer every chance she got. I decided to braid my hair to give myself a break. I loved the versatility of braids…and (I’m almost embarrassed to admit) the length. I enjoyed finally having what I never had: long, healthy hair. I met a guy who got used to me wearing braids. I didn’t want to scare him off by wearing my ‘fro, especially since I’ve heard him say that he hates short hair on women.

I’m not sure why I feel the way I do, but I’m very self-conscious of my hair. Looking at pictures, its gorgeous! Sometimes, I can’t believe that’s me! Braiding my hair usually helps me ignore these feelings, but once I take my braids out, they reappear. I hate it.

I want to feel good about myself and I’m starting at the top. In 2010, my New Years Resolution is to learn to love and care for my hair as it deserves. I’m going to commit to at least ninety days before I decide to try another style, be it braiding or a relaxer. Do you have any suggestions for how I can stay motivated? Any advice on how to promote growth?

I look forward to reading your blog to find cool products to try on my hair and maybe have a few to suggest to you!

Best wishes for a safe and happy new year!

–T.

Oh T, I just want to give you a big cyber hug! You are so beautiful and, deep down, you know it, but those preconceived notions of beauty that are beaten into us from birth are hard to shake.

I think sometimes when you BC, you look in the mirror and your brain rejects what it sees. It sends a clear signal that “This is not right” . You have been used to seeing yourself a certain way, with a certain hairstyle for however long, and now you see a totally different head of hair, and a type of hair that has been looked down on for centuries. Only time seeing yourself with your hair will help.

I swear the first month after my BC I did a double take  everytime I crossed a mirror. I still sometimes feel a sense of surprise when I see my reflection.

First, I would suggest that you maybe step away from the braids for a bit. They can be a wonderful protective style, but it seems they are hampering you from bonding with your hair. If you feel that you are unable to style your hair right now or it’s a bad time, try to go to a natural hair salon if you have one in your area. Let them put in some coils or twists or whatever you want.

I really suggest that you learn how to style your own hair.

Taking a break from braids will also help you learn to work with your hair. There is definitely a learning curve to it. I noticed that you didn’t say what styles you tried after you got the braids out. There are tons of tutorials, videos, and forums you can glean information from on styling. I can’t promise that it will be easy because I had my own styling problems to get over before I found a comfortable routine. And guess what?

There are still styles (damn you rollersetting!) that I haven’t gotten the hang of. Practice makes perfect.

And for days when perfection or near-perfection is evasive, a nice hat or wig is a girl’s best friend.

For motivation, I would suggest you surround yourself with people who accept/love natural hair and certainly avoid people who put it down. This is hard to do when your family members may be constantly harping on you about it, but, as I like to say, “As you grow your natural hair, you also need to grow a thick skin to go with it”.

If you are unable to find someone in your everyday life to talk about hair with, find some online buddies in forums or Facebook. Sometimes online support is better than none.

As for the man in your life, if he really cares for you, how short your hair is should not be an issue. Men are visual creatures and they also have been victims of the same brainwashing that we have. All of that aside, if your hair being natural runs him off, it will show what kind of person he is.

Overall, I would say that you are not confident with your hair yet. Again, this will take time. Know that you and your hair are beautiful. This is the way your were meant to be. I hope other readers will be able to give your further encouragement. *big hugs*

{ 8 comments }

Ask Kcurly–Curl definition

December 19, 2009

A comment from Benjamin:

Hey, I’m a young man (16 1/2) looking for some help with hair. I was hoping your site could also apply to men’s hair. You seem to know your stuff and there’s really no home for black male hair on the internet.
I’ve been using texturizers for awhile now and I’m looking to [...]

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Ask Kcurly–Princess Tiana and Interracial Relationship

December 10, 2009

An email from Keah:
So Kcurly, I wanted to get your opinion on this. We are taking the kids to go see The Princess and the Frog this weekend, and I sent the trailer to my husband cause he hadn’t seen it. Now he emailed me back a valid question, Why do they have Tiana dating [...]

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Ask Kcurly–Alcohols

Thumbnail image for Ask Kcurly–Alcohols December 8, 2009

I see so many comments on this blog after I recommend a product in the form of “OMG! It has alcohol in it! How can this be healthy for my hair?”
Totally understandable response, so I will endeavor to show y’all the difference between good and bad alcohols.
Cetyl Alcohol (good)
An emollient and emulsifier added to [...]

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Ask Kcurly–BC essentials

Thumbnail image for Ask Kcurly–BC essentials November 23, 2009

Hi there,
I’ve been a follower of your blog for a couple of months now, luv it. My BC is scheduled for December 4, and now that it’s scheduled I’m nervous about being unprepared. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve known this was coming for some time now and I’ve started to purchase a few products, stuff [...]

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Ask Kcurly

Thumbnail image for Ask Kcurly November 16, 2009

Plopping
An email from Doris:
Do you have good results with a wash and go and plopping?
So for those of you who might not know, let me explain “plopping”. I referenced it once in this post, but here’s a picture from NaturallyCurly.com that’s very helpful. Plopping is supposed to help the hair dry and encourage curl definition.

To [...]

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Ask Kcurly–Leave in Conditioners, Twists

Thumbnail image for Ask Kcurly–Leave in Conditioners, Twists November 4, 2009

Leave Ins

Hi Kcurly
Listed under “products I love” you have a few of the leave-in conditioners that you use.  Are you suppose to use a leave-in everyday or just after washing your hair.  Also, what exactly does a leave-in do for your hair. 
Looking forward to hearing a response from you.
Thanks Shanaye

Shanaye, thanks for the question. [...]

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Ask KCury–A Mother’s Cry

Thumbnail image for Ask KCury–A Mother’s Cry October 28, 2009

I recently got this comment from Angel:
Hi! I found the site searching for disney fairies and came across this wonderful blog. I wished I had came across the site 5 years ago, before I relaxed my daughters hair and my own. I have now realized I had made the BIGGESST mistake EVER. My daughters’ hair [...]

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Ask Kcurly: Triathlon Expense

October 26, 2009

A question I received on fotki:
Hey KCcurly – I love your hair!!! I totally loved your blog on the triathlon!!! Congratulations girl, that is an awesome feat! I’m interested in doing a triathlon, I have done about 7 marathons – Did the LA 2x, San Diego Rock n’ Roll, San Francisco, Honolulu marathons – are [...]

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Ask KCurly

October 25, 2009

Keah sent this email:
Ok Kcurly this is my issue. You know I’m transitioning and I’m in my 6th month of being relaxer free. I have a long way to go though because my hair is shoulder length. I would just BC but I promised my DH I wouldn’t do that (ugh, why did I do [...]

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