Hi!

I had been transitioning since August 2008 and finally decided to chop off the relaxed hair a few weeks back. When I cut off my hair, I just KNEW my hair was going to have a great curl. I figured wrong! My hair ended up looking similar to yours after your BC. What products did you use to get the curl definition?

Thanks in advance,

Toiaya

Tolaya,

Congrats on your BC! First of all, a lot of people kind of have “after shocks” following the BC. In other words,  your hair can sometimes act a little off. A lot of people experience dryness, etc.

Before I go into curl definition, I must first make a point that I often try to get across here. My hair did not turn out as I envisioned it when going natural. You have to learn to love your hair for what it is. It’s easy for me to type that, but a lot harder for it to be ingrained in the psyche. Believe me, I know.

If relaxed Kcurly could see present Kcurly’s hair, she probably would not have gone natural. My hair texture, though curly, is not what I initially envisioned. I have mentally transitioned, as they say on the hair forums, to accept my hair as it grows out of my head (along with all of the wonderful things it can do!).

I try to encourage newly natural ladies to not focus so much on curl definition. You will go crazy and use up a lot of product, money, and time. I went through a time period when I was washing my hair 2-3 times a day to get the perfect curl. Looking back, that’s ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting at all, but I was obsessed with having loose curls. I was doing everything I could not to have a ‘fro.

Better energy can be spent on learning more about what your hair can do instead of trying to make it into someone else’s hair.  All of this is said with love! And don’t get wrong, I’m not against defining one’s curls. I just think one should love one’s hair regardless of it curls or not.

So, having said all that, here is some information for curl definition. I know you asked about products, but I’ve found that technique is usually more important than the products. But check out my Products I Love section for recommendations as well as combination examples.

My first advice is to pamper your hair. Get the moisture going and take care of it. If you have curls or coils, they will come out on their own when your hair is healthy and moisturized.

I did a post awhile back on Curl Definition . You can find some tips there for what worked for me. Combing my hair makes the curls separate, so if your hair is like mine, you may want to try fingercombing to encourage curls. Also piggybacking off a style like a twist out or braid out encourages my hair to curl. My hair is curly, but not incredibly so.

You may also want to take a look at Terri’s Curly Primer method. It did not work for me and her product recommendations didn’t agree with my hair, but a lot of people swear by it. Also similar, Miss Jessie’s has a good shingling guide. You can substitute similar products if you don’t have access to MJ’s.

Anyway, I hope this post helped you some and I know you will come to love your hair once you two get to know each other better.

After hearing “D”s story, I decided to delve deeper into natural hair in the military. There are obviously some biased people in power who, despite the clearly defined regulations in place,  continue to wage a nonexistent war against natural hair. Also unfortunate, these biased people seem to be mostly other African Americans.

Through YouTube, I found a woman in uniform with a beautiful TWA telling her experience of how she fought back against the negative comments she received. Here is Fadiah’s YouTube channel. After viewing her video (embedded below) I contacted her for an interview. She agreed to share her experience here and I hope someone out there benefits from it! Thank you, girl! I love your fro! I also admire you for not buckling under!

Kcurly: Were you natural going into the military?.

When I went to Basic Training in 2007, I was transitioning and I became discouraged because the drill sergeants picked on me about my hair and said I needed it relaxed for graduation, so I gave in because I wanted to graduate BCT. Then in 2008 I did my first BC, I once again I got discouraged by my peers and gave in. I was really upset with myself this time and decided to take charge, so August 3 2009 I did my second BC and now I refuse to let the army change my character and being true to myself as a natural.

Kcurly: Had you noticed any other naturals also in service?

I have noticed a lot of natural haired women in the military but they all keep it hidden with braids and weaves. Don’t get me wrong I do rock braids as a protective style when I’m doing field training or to let my hair breathe. (I’m not going to be ashamed of my natural hair in uniform like other females are). A lot of women commend me on my boldness in rocking my afro puff to work but don’t have enough courage themselves to do so as well. A lot of other women keep their hair low cut like a fade as well.

Kcurly: When did you BC and after how long of a transition?

My first BC was January 17, 2008 and I transitioned for four months. My second BC was August 3, 2009 and I did not transition.

Kcurly: What styles did you use to transition?

For my first BC while transitioning I wore kinky twists.

Kcurly: What negative things were said to you about your hair? Was there repeated harassment?

From friends I got the usual “why would you do that, you look better with relaxed hair.” comment. My fellow soldiers would say “are you going to do something with your hair” “as a female soldier you must look uniformed like the rest,” “since when did afros become acceptable in the army” “…hmm that’s different” and so forth.

Kcurly: What actions did you take to defend wearing your hair natural?

Being a junior ranking soldier I simply pulled out my army regulation 670-1 and explained that my hair is uniformed, it is not causing a distraction or over 5 inches in bulk, it is kept neat away from my face and off my collar. I would also elaborate that this is the texture of my hair and I was born with it and it was what God intended me to have and every black women in the military also has a different texture close to mine but they alter it with harsh chemicals to be like the European women.

Kcurly: What have you learned from this experience that you can take with you for the rest of your life?

Being natural has taught me to accept myself for who I am and to fight what I believe in life. I should allow other people to tell me what I should appear to be in their eyes because at the end of the day I have to make myself happy.

An email from T:

Hello K Curly!

Since finding your blog, I have been a faithful reader. In fact, I’m a natural hair blog junkie! I think natural hair is absolutely beautiful! I love seeing pictures of women (and men) who are confident enough to wear their hair in gorgeous natural styles.

Except when I see pictures of myself.

See, I’ve been natural for over a year now. I’ve been hiding it with braids for more than half of that time. In May 2008, I just chopped it off. I had no real purpose or goal in mind, just became very frustrated and cut it all off. And I loved it! I got compliments all of the time about my short hair and how well it suited me. As time went on and my hair started to grow (not fast enough for my liking), I became frustrated again. I didn’t know how to care for my hair. My mother helped a bit, but added her two cents about the benefits of a relaxer every chance she got. I decided to braid my hair to give myself a break. I loved the versatility of braids…and (I’m almost embarrassed to admit) the length. I enjoyed finally having what I never had: long, healthy hair. I met a guy who got used to me wearing braids. I didn’t want to scare him off by wearing my ‘fro, especially since I’ve heard him say that he hates short hair on women.

I’m not sure why I feel the way I do, but I’m very self-conscious of my hair. Looking at pictures, its gorgeous! Sometimes, I can’t believe that’s me! Braiding my hair usually helps me ignore these feelings, but once I take my braids out, they reappear. I hate it.

I want to feel good about myself and I’m starting at the top. In 2010, my New Years Resolution is to learn to love and care for my hair as it deserves. I’m going to commit to at least ninety days before I decide to try another style, be it braiding or a relaxer. Do you have any suggestions for how I can stay motivated? Any advice on how to promote growth?

I look forward to reading your blog to find cool products to try on my hair and maybe have a few to suggest to you!

Best wishes for a safe and happy new year!

–T.

Oh T, I just want to give you a big cyber hug! You are so beautiful and, deep down, you know it, but those preconceived notions of beauty that are beaten into us from birth are hard to shake.

I think sometimes when you BC, you look in the mirror and your brain rejects what it sees. It sends a clear signal that “This is not right” . You have been used to seeing yourself a certain way, with a certain hairstyle for however long, and now you see a totally different head of hair, and a type of hair that has been looked down on for centuries. Only time seeing yourself with your hair will help.

I swear the first month after my BC I did a double take  everytime I crossed a mirror. I still sometimes feel a sense of surprise when I see my reflection.

First, I would suggest that you maybe step away from the braids for a bit. They can be a wonderful protective style, but it seems they are hampering you from bonding with your hair. If you feel that you are unable to style your hair right now or it’s a bad time, try to go to a natural hair salon if you have one in your area. Let them put in some coils or twists or whatever you want.

I really suggest that you learn how to style your own hair.

Taking a break from braids will also help you learn to work with your hair. There is definitely a learning curve to it. I noticed that you didn’t say what styles you tried after you got the braids out. There are tons of tutorials, videos, and forums you can glean information from on styling. I can’t promise that it will be easy because I had my own styling problems to get over before I found a comfortable routine. And guess what?

There are still styles (damn you rollersetting!) that I haven’t gotten the hang of. Practice makes perfect.

And for days when perfection or near-perfection is evasive, a nice hat or wig is a girl’s best friend.

For motivation, I would suggest you surround yourself with people who accept/love natural hair and certainly avoid people who put it down. This is hard to do when your family members may be constantly harping on you about it, but, as I like to say, “As you grow your natural hair, you also need to grow a thick skin to go with it”.

If you are unable to find someone in your everyday life to talk about hair with, find some online buddies in forums or Facebook. Sometimes online support is better than none.

As for the man in your life, if he really cares for you, how short your hair is should not be an issue. Men are visual creatures and they also have been victims of the same brainwashing that we have. All of that aside, if your hair being natural runs him off, it will show what kind of person he is.

Overall, I would say that you are not confident with your hair yet. Again, this will take time. Know that you and your hair are beautiful. This is the way your were meant to be. I hope other readers will be able to give your further encouragement. *big hugs*

Hi there,
I’ve been a follower of your blog for a couple of months now, luv it. My BC is scheduled for December 4, and now that it’s scheduled I’m nervous about being unprepared. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve known this was coming for some time now and I’ve started to purchase a few products, stuff for the aloe vera spritz, shea butter, coconut oil and some Miss Jessie’s. After reading several blogs for months I’ve received a few messages loud and clear the strongest being that I need to find the regime that works for me. That being said, with three weeks to go, what products and items do I ABSOLUTELY need when I get back from the beauty shop with a head full of natural hair? I’m feeling a bit like I’ve studied to much info for a test and just need a little direction. Help!

Dream

Dream, how exciting that you are about to BC! You’ve got a date set and everything, I am impressed!

On to your question, here is a list of what I feel the average newly natural will need. Of course, everyone has different types of hair that may have different needs, so this list may not be exactly everything you’ll require (or more than you need).

I am also assuming that you will have a TWA, which has relatively more simple needs than longer hair. I’ve placed the things that I found essential for the well being of my hair starting out in green.

I did not make specific product suggestions as that can be found on my Products I Love page.

• Seamless widetoothed comb and/or Denman
• Conditioner for cowashing
• Deep conditioner
• Oils/Pomade for sealing, oil rinsing, and/or scalp soothing
• Moisturizer and/or Leave in conditioner
• Satin/Silk scarf and/or pillowcase
• Shampoo or mild cleanser such as Castile soap
• Gel or styling product
• Boar bristle brush (for smoothing back hair into puff/edges)
• Headbands and scarves

Of course, as I said, this list is not concrete and I kept it very simple. You may want to use your regular conditioner as your leave in conditioner…so a leave in may not be necessary. You may have a preference to use your moisturizer on your scalp instead of an oil.

Experimenting is key. Good luck and we would love to see pictures of your BC when you do it!

Jill Scott, a plus sized lady who often sports a short natural do

I thought long and hard about writing this post because this can be a sensitive topic of discussion. Let’s be real here, I don’t even like to hear the words “heavy” or “big” and certainly not “fat” when it comes to someone describing me.

So I know that someone, somewhere might feel this post is offensive and if it is, I apologize in advance. However,  I believe in being frank.  And the following post is very frank, so be forewarned.

I’ve never been thin in my adulthood. I have been average, I have been heavy, I have been very heavy, but never thin. So when I thought of cutting off my  longish relaxed hair, the only thing that ever really set me apart from a lot of the skinnier girls, it made me cringe.

At that point I decided to transition on a long term basis. My weight was not the only factor in this decision, but it was a large part of it. After all, I was fat and fat faces do not look good with short hair. And my fat face with a TWA? Pfft! Forget about it!

My best friend, who is quite svelte, did her BC a lot sooner than I did mine. I felt that stir of longing upon seeing her afro puff, but quickly banished any thoughts of me repeating her actions any time soon.

She was thin. She could rock the short hair and still be admired by men and women alike. It was pixie-like on her and I was as about as far from being a pixie as Shrek was from being a prince.

Being a member of the hair boards, I’ve seen a lot of women utter these exact sentiments. “My face is too round” “I’m not skinny enough to BC”. Halle Berry seems to come up a lot because I guess she’s an iconic symbol of ultimate beauty for some.

Because of many other reasons, I eventually got rid of those ends and gradually got used to my short cut. And you know what I realized?

Having long relaxed hair never fooled anyone into thinking I was 110 lbs just like having a TWA never made anyone think that I had suddenly gained 40 lbs.

Now I totally agree that certain hairstyles frame certain face shapes and that may be another matter entirely, but I stand firm with above bolded statement. I only address this because it’s something that was always in the back of my mind while transitioning.

I’m not really trying to change anyone’s mind on the issue or prove anyone wrong. I would love to know what everyone thinks on this issue and if anyone is currently feeling this way.

Thanks, as always Readers, for keeping an open mind and listening to my insane ramblings

My relaxed ends

It’s finally July.

You’ve perservered through a whole winter with two textures battling it out on your head. You’ve been researching your for what seems like years and are too excited about your transition to the natural side.You’ve got your afro pick ready in hand for the big day…or for us the Big Chop.

Spring/Summer are a wonderful times for the BC. As you may know, I BC’d in the spring of last year and, looking back, think it was a wise choice as opposed to other times of the year.

Here are my reasons.

It’s hot.

So hot…and not in a good way. Especially if you’re in the south where, not only is it hot, it’s bloody humid as well. If you’ve never had short hair, it’s quite a relief to experience it in the summer.I can’t tell you the happiness I felt at not having a lot of hair on my neck and it’s just felt cooler overall.

It was a shock having a TWA, but it was also a treat in 100 degree weather.

It’s not winter.

Let’s face it: it’s no secret that the cold dry air can be rough on anyone’s hair, let alone someone who is newly natural and still trying to learn their texture. Add to that the stress that winter can put on one’s hair, and you have a potentially frustrating situation.

This past winter was my first as a natural and I have to admit that it was as bad as I’d heard. I can’t even imagine the torment that ladies who live in areas where it gets below freezing on a regular basis. The frustration of figuring out that I was a silicone sensitive natural with perpetually dry hair would have been quadrupled if I’d had to battle the unforgiving winter atmosphere as well.

A cold, wet head.

So even though I am 28 years old and have learned that viruses and germs cause illness (not freezing your butt off), I still have serious reservations about going out with a wet head. The typical newly natural lady does a lot of cowashing, sometimes daily, and that equals an often damp TWA.

I know people that step outside with a wet head to get a newspaper for three seconds and  immediately start sniffling. Maybe it’s all in their heads or maybe there’s something to it. Whatever it is, it definitly should be taken into consideration for a winter BC.

Transitioning styling

If you are getting through your transition by flat ironing and live in a humid area, you may find it frustrating when reversion rears its beautiful head  (hey this is a natural hair blog, reversion is your natural texture so I’m not going to knock it ) and makes it harder for your to blend your relaxed hair and new growth. This can be especially annoying if you’re trying to wear a half or 3/4 wig.

Speaking of wigs, it’s pretty hot under there. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be sweating buckets under a wig in the summer time while trying transition under it.

Anyhoo

I only offer these reasons as food for thought. BCing is a big deal, for some more than others, and should be taken into serious consideration. While I do stand behind the reasons I listed above, I also highly suggest that your mental transition is also complete before you do the BC.