Avie, I really, really, really appreciate you sharing this with us. Because so many of us face that same type of opposition from friends and family when going natural. Sometimes when you feel like you have no one in your corner, it can be the worst thing for your self esteem and perserverance.
I’m sorry you lost your friendship with this person and I am still agog at the loss of such a relationship because of your hair. You look absolutely fantastic and never let anyone tell you any different!
I cut my hair off, a personal decision that I knew some individuals would not be happy with. I never expected however that a friend of fourteen years, countless sacrifices and innumerable experiences would ridicule and reject me. We grew up together but this “friend” would even refuse to talk to me. Choosing to belittle me and then ignore me. This brings into question how much he really valued me…or should I say how much he valued my hair. Proclamations of love were “killed” along with the fibers that once adorned this head.
I thought to myself firstly of the vapid and shallow nature of his response….then even deeper into the root of it, ignorance. To be so close-minded, to have such a warped point of view on what beauty is… is just plain sad. I was truly hurt but not for long, because I realized that I was not the one with the problem. I’m not the one who needs healing. I’m not the one who went through their entire life never seeing pass people’s physical image. It’s sad to think that someones complete existence is wrapped up in such tight chains of superficiality.
It reinforced my view on what love truly is. Love is when a husband looks into the eyes of his wife after she has 3rd degree burns to 70% of her face and says “honey you are beautiful”. Love is the man that is stimulated not by how a woman looks but by her character. Love is not on the condition of appearance. And even more applicably, love is not ignorant.
I don’t regret the times we shared but if his love is based entirely on the length of my hair….then he could keep his “love”…. I don’t want it.
Stronger & Wiser
~Avie
Once again BermudaBeauty shares her styling ideas for her blossoming TWA. See her other articles here and here. Check out her fotki for more of her beautiful hair.
I am presently 11 months post relaxer/8 months post bc and I am proud to say my hair is growing by leaps and bounds! Styling the TWA can be challenging because it is too long to continue the styles I was using and still too short to style my hair the way I would like to. I know I am not alone in the frustration of twa styles. That is why I have included some styles and techniques for your readers. Hopefully they will find these styles helpful. For more twa styles please feel free to view my fotki at www.fotki.com/bermudabeauty.
Happy Hair Growing, Bermuda Beauty
Cornrolls: Done on freshly co-washed hair. You can also wear your hair like this and put a wig or a hat on
Slick to a pony tail: Used Ecostyle Olive Oil Gel on damp hair.
Two Strand Twist: Put my hair in about 24 twists while wet. Used Ecostyle Olive Oil Gel to make the two strand twist then went under a hooded dryer .
Press & Curl: Done professionally. Beware your hair may not be as curly as it once was after curling your hair.
Flat Twists & Two Strand Twist Combination: just add a few twists on the side and secure with bobby pins and/or hair pins.
Flat Twists & Two Strand Twist up in a Pony Puff: pulled my hair Up in a puff and secured all the way around with bobbypins.
Melinda had this interesting observation. Thanks for the email! I’m not sure it’s on the same level in my circle, but I can think of a few places where this might be the case.
This kind of reminds me of a coworker who I was talking to. She said her husband would fuss at her for eating junk food, or frying food, eating mayo, stuff like that. He was always on her back to work out more, eat organic, and be more healthy.
However, when she said she was thinking about not relaxing anymore, he flipped out. The messages just did not match up.
Thanks again Melinda, I always love your emails!
Hi there,
Hi K, Melinda here with yet another blog entry/observation. As my husband and I were having yet another teaching/learning natural hair acceptance conversation I stumbled across another analogy that I would like to share with you.
Things that make ya go hmmmm…. I realize that in today’s society cigarette smoking is actually more acceptable than natural hair…think about it for a moment, or 2…..People that smoke are not questioned at work or in danger of loosing their jobs or not hired for a job because they smoke, they are not viewed as unattractive or poor or rebellious or trying to make a “political” statement of some kind and smoking has labels that warn of it’s potential to cause lung cancer and be FATAL but thousands of people still do it, without fear of ridicule on a large scale.
Now, here we are, Black women and our Beautiful natural hair, the way that is grows innocently from our scalps, defying gravity and DEMANDING to be noticed all by itself not purposely offending anyone, yet, it offends most people and it thought of a unattractive and can very well be the reason for not hiring a very qualified candidate for employment or reason for termination, and it does not even cause cancer.
Just some food for thought, which is more deadly….A FATAL chemical substance or a Black woman with natural hair..??
Tianna, I love it that you are a professional lady out there showing that natural hair can have many faces…from fun to upscale and executive. Thank you for sharing your story and fab hair!
KCurly,
I have finally curved out some time to share! So, I have been perming my hair for as long as I can remember. I remember the days of getting burned by the hot comb and the days of getting scalp sores from the perm. I also remember staring at my friends in college in disbelief as they cut off their hair and rocked their twas. I vowed that I would die with a perm in my hair.
Let me back up a bit. My cousin was my hairdresser since I was maybe 13 and she surely did have “growing hands” but I could never retain length (I also had rude dandruff that would never leave). I would have period of long and thick hair followed by periods of short and thin hair. I began transitioning during my second year of law school partly because I was pregnant with my son and did not want any chemicals to seep into my brain and affect his (I know) and also because my cousin was now over 100 miles away from me and I did not trust anyone else giving me a perm.
Anyway, I found a stylist in PA who pressed hair really well (I always got the “bone-straight) and I loved her especially because she got perm results with no chemicals. So, I assumed that my hair was strong because it was perm-free and it could withstand some color and highlights. Wrong. Just call me “Patches”. What was amazing was that the portions of missing hair that began growing back were soft, manageable and, dare I say it, CURLY!
So I cut it all off one day. Hated it. Started treating it and taking care of it and it grew, grew, grew. I was amazed and about 75% in love. Yet and still, I opted to wear wigs to work. Too afraid to show myself au natural at my whiteshoe law firm. I counted the number of natural attorneys at my job and could barely get to 5. I conformed. Until this past Monday when I decided to do away with the wigs (esp. since my fiance hid my “go to” wig- he does stuff like this all the time which is so very annoying lol). I wore my curly fro and I am never looking back.
My hair is in the most healthy condition it has ever been. No breakage. No damage. No dandruff. And, I am finally able to retain length. I love it! I am at 100% love now. No one can tell me anything (not even my momma who is dying to put a relaxer in my hair)! Phew. That’s my hair story and I am sticking to it! 
Oh and I have also included a pic of me in all of my curly glory!
Hey Kcurly,
I always wear my hair in twist/twist out. So of course after I saw your puff tutorial, I decided to try a puff. I did dry two strand twist so my hair would be stretched. I was surprised how big it was. So I had to show it to you. Once again thank you for all you do for the natural hair community.
Lynnieluve
Lynnie, your puff is HOT!! Your hair also looks incredibly healthy. Thanks for sharing!!
Lynnieluve
