My story
I did not have relaxed hair before the age of 11 or 12, so I do remember how my hair was back then. I remember that it was curly and coily and that I loved it, even though I rarely saw it like that. Right after my mother washed my hair, I once asked her if I could wear my hair freshly washed, in its natural state. She just laughed and pulled out the hair dryer and hot comb.
So, a few years pass… I got a relaxer and was so happy. I could swing my hair, it was long, and everyone else loved it. After a few years, it fluctuated between shoulder length and longer with very thin and damaged ends. Knowing what I know now, I know that I did a lot of things that were wrong for relaxed hair. However, relaxing my hair became more and more questionable to me as I got older.
Relaxed head of hair
It started out with just a niggling thought here and there. Then it was on my mind every time I relaxed. I went a particularly long time without a relaxer when I was pregnant with my son, but ended up relaxing shortly after he was born. It wasn’t until a bit after his first birthday when my best friend announced that she was “going natural” that I made my decision.
I was going natural too, darnnit.
But, unlike my friend, I couldn’t bear to part from my “precious” locks. I mean, people identified me by my hair. I was the girl with “all that hair”. I would just grow it out to about shoulder length and then I’d cut it, I told myself. I was also self conscious about being overweight with short hair.
Well, the battle of the two textures, coupled with a lack of haircare knowledge, led to me doing the big chop after about seven months of transitioning. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I went into shock when I cut it off only to discover my natural hair was nothing like I’d envisioned. I’d expected silky soft curls that moved and bounced. It was curly, but it was not the silky smooth hair I’d imagined. As I combed through my hair that first time, I thought I’d made a huge mistake.
Shortly after BC
I immediately flat ironed it and covered it up with a scarf for about a week. I read and read all I could. I posted pictures of my hair on various forums asking for help. If you’d like to know what forums helped me, please check out my blogroll.
I learned so much about my hair and learned not to expect it to be something that it would never be. However, I did come to love my hair for what it is. I am learning to style it and pamper it. It was a long road, and I still have a long way to go, but it’s been worth it.
It took time and effort, but my hair has come around
What I get from my hair now are things that I never knew I wanted
I credit protective styling and gentle handling with making my hair blossum as never before
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I LOVE your hair! it beautiful. Im currently transtioning i cant wait till the nd product!(=
Hey Kcurly. I love your blog (I’ve said it before, I know) and I am inspired by women like you. I will be natural 6 months on Nov 15 2009 and I can’t believe it’s been half a year already. I wouldn’t have made it this far without blogs like yours and all the helpful information you give on caring for natural hair. My hair now is about the length of your BC pic and I’m anxious for more growth. However, since I only started with less than a half inch of hair post BC I realize that I’m doing well. I look at your twists and think wow, someday mine will be that length. But for now, I’m enjoying the hair I have and taking care of it is a lot of fun. Thanks again!
Thanks ladies! You will get there, keep learning and keep loving your hair!
Hi Kcurly, I decided to go natural about three years ago and I constantly get discouraged because I am still adjusting. My experience seems identical to yours with the transitioning and the big chop. My frustration is what brought me to your site in the first place. I am always surrounded by perms and weaves and wigs and etc. but I have very little to go on when it comes to natural hair. I sometimes feel like giving but after 1) seeing Chris Rock’s Good Hair and 2) discovering websites like yours, I become inspired and empowered to remain natural…nappy and all.
wow your hair looks so great, I need to dig up my old free hair pics from back in the day. Protective styling is something that I wish I knew how to do, as a lazy stylist, all I would end up doing is pulling and tugging my poor hair out all of the time!
Your hair is gorgeous… and I think this is a fab site. Unfortunatley I cannot indulge in this website for to long I need to get back to studying. I just had one question for you what type hair do you have?
Ebony, hang in there girl! It’s hard being around just relaxers and weaves, but just try to keep your eye on the prize.
Yahvinah, keep practicing, that is the only way you’ll learn. You can do it girl! If you get frustrated, take a break, walk away (so to speak) and try again later!
Krystal, please go and study LOL! I don’t put much store in hair typing, but I claim 4a. (with maybe a bit of 3c)
Tomorrow you’re going to address working out with natural, straight hair?!? I’m signing up for the rss feed immediately. Heck, I may have to put you on my FB page… Can’t wait. I’ve been transitioning since February, my hair is shoulder length and I probably need to do a BC. But I cling to the length because I know I can always do a bun in a pinch.
Love, love, love your blog. What a find! Especially since I have been so frustrated with my hair lately! I have been natural since 1996…My hair used to be long, like yours in the second to last photo above, but now it is on the short side. I can’t seem to get it to grow without getting really dry and damaged on the ends. I understand the whole protective styling thing, but maybe I am just lazy. It takes me sooo long to twist my hair. How long does it take you? Any words of wisdom for a lazy self hair styler? Thanks!
Hey KCurly. I BC’d on Friday and have been visiting the forums as well. I’m feeling about what you did after your BC. I’ve got multiple textures including an afro! I know that it takes time and mentally I was ready for the BC, I just was a little surprised by what I saw. The first few weeks is it just a matter of trying out different products until your hair starts to feel better? After inquiring on the forums, it seems that a lot of women have really dry hair after their BC like me, were the first couple of weeks… weird?
OMG! Your story reflects my story in so many ways. I just finished cutting off the rest of my relaxed ends, making me a day completely natural and 9 months transitioning. I’ve had soooo many controversies over cutting all of my brl hair that i cried cuz i thought i made a big mistake. Your story has rebuilt my courage to show that nappy is beautiful. YOUR HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your hair is gorgeous!!!
Dream, hold on girl, it will get better. Yes, the first few weeks are weird. Especially if your hair is not doing what you expect. That’s why it’s best just not to have any expectations
It will probably take a few weeks for your hair to “settle down” from the shock of the BC.
I have my own theory about why hair is dry after the BC. Curly hair is drier because natural oils from the scalp can’t travel down the hair shaft as well as on straight hair. I think that after the weight of the relaxed hair is gone and the natural hair can fully shrink, that it doesn’t get the body’s natural oils as well as it did before. So, no, not weird at all. Hang in there!
Hey Kcurly,
Im 17 and stopped getting relaxers June of this year, so its been almost 7 months, and I have about 2 inches of new growth. Its been really hard for me, with getting support and knowing to and not to do with my hair. Im still trying to figure it all out. Your blog has inspired me to try some new things and care for my hair in healthier ways. I plan to cut off my permed ends after I graduate next June, but I dont know if I can do that yet. Wish me luck and I cant wait till the end!
Andrea, good luck to you on your journey!! I know you can do it and come out of it with a beautiful head of hair!!
I decided to stop relaxing my hair in sept 09. I cut my APL hair up to my shoulders. I did my some research and decided transitioning was for me. My mum has been relaxing my hair since I was 7 so I had know idea what my nutural hair would look like but I was real excited to see. Trying to deal with the 2 hair types was a nightmare and through frustration I went for the BC. Well I was shocked. My hair is 2 different hair types sides and back are type 3 and the top is type 4. I’ve been rocking a TWA for 3 weeks now and my hair has changed already. It was really dry at first but its getting better.
Hi Kcurly,
I have been relaxing my hair since I was a toddler so I have no idea what my natural hair feels or looks like. I am now 14 and have decided to go natural because I want to know what my real hair texture is like. My last relaxer was around the end of july of this year and I have about 2-3 inches of new growth. I think your hair is beautiful and I hope my end product will be as great as yours.
KCurly,
It’s my third month of transitioning and I am at a point where I am really considering relaxing again. My significacnt other has said that he is ok with me going natural but he makes comments about how he likes my hair when it is smooth and not nappy (he doesn’t say the nappy part but that is what i perceive). Some other comments include: “Don’t bring no nappy hair around here!” “Look at you hair, it’s a hot mess, you need to do something to it!”; “You don’t even know what to do with your hair now and you want to go natural, just straight it and where it down.” All of this is said in a joking manner, but it is geting too frequent to ignore anymore. I don’t know what to do. I was reduced to tears today because here I was flat ironing my hair for a guy when I really did not want to be doing that. I mean I have not used heat in my hair since I begun the transition but I finally broke down and did it because he seemed really disturbed by my hair. He even left to go to work today upset because I told him to quit playing in my hair after I had blown it out. I only said that because he was making comments like “I should always where my hair like this.; This is how he likes to see me.” I love my fiance but I wish he could understand that my decision to go natural has nothing to do with him. It’s about me doing something good for myself. I want to be able to say to me future kids that they are beautiful just the way they are and not feel like a hypocrite when I do it. I really wish he could just be supportive. He has seen me natural in grade school and relaxed as an adult. We were even crushing on each other all through middle school (and I was natural then.) Why is this so hard for him to accept now? I mean my haristyle shouldn’t determine his love for me. I tried talking to him, but he always says whatever you want love. I’m just ranting but any advice on how to deal with this situation would be appreciated.
KCcurly! I thought you looked familiar? I followed you from fotki today! I thought that I saw you on motown girl, or maybe another natural site when I first started my hair transition in 12/08. I remember your hair story and your Twist outs! When you say you credit the progress of your hair to protective styling. What was, or is your choice of protective styles. Right now I have a twa and I’ve been natural going on 4 months. For 2 months of that I’ve been in braid extensions so I should have about an inch of growth. I was planning to rebraid for 2 more months as a protective style, to get a headstart on healthy hair growth retention, but feel like I”m missing out on getting to know my hair as it grows out? What kind of protective styles can I wear, that are nice at such a short length, or is that even necessary when its so short?
Your hair is BEAUTIFUL. I’ve been transitioning for 7 months, and it is tough. I’m not quite ready for the Big Chop. The hare part is finding style for my two textures. You give me hope I’m going to hang in there
Oh my god do I have things in common wit you!!! I am also currently transitioning and ave been since july but Im at a point where Im really debating just relaxing it again!? Its stressful beacause like you growing up my sister and I were the ones known is our family and neighborhood in brooklyn ny as those 2 sisters with all that long hair. I remember it before I my mother started pressing it at 10 or 11 and it was shiny thick numerous ringlets. Our sister and I were never able to put our hair in a ponytail or any simple styles like that because it was so THICK and would break ponyclips and brushes often when being combed. We were put on pedestals for our hair in our community and families and whenever their were events or family parties my mother would go to great lengths to wash and style our hair in ornate thick twists and parted up styles and accessories. Our hair was a spectacle and would be on full display whenever we arrived at any get together and all me aunts and uncles n cousins would take a moment to come over and admire it and give my moter compliments on how nice and long her daughters hair was which she couldnt get enough of. It was told to me from a very young age that your hair is your beauty dont let anybody cut it! My mother wear wigs now to not show the hair she has lost in from age and I dont even think she takes it off when she goes to bed her husband. Thats why when I first chopped it off last summer in an angled rihanna bob my mother and sisters sat me down and interrogated me as to what the hell was i thinking cutting my hair off that short!!! I just kept saying it will grow back it just hair-I want to get it healthy! This was one of many attempts I had done in my adult life to get rid of the thin split trashy ends the perming has done to my hair. It starts out beautiful and slick and shiny but within about 2weeks I would need a touchup again,I knew this was not healthy for my hair and last summer I had had enough. So with the scared support of my boyfriend I have been growing it out. I just got a bob cut around 2 weeks ago and I can feel my natural hair and Im worried. Worried that I may not be a candidate for one of those girls who can wear their hair natural and curly. I dont see any curls,just difficult dry wirey crinkly hair growing in from my roots!! I have researched on youtube but there seems to be a different opinion from everyone about what the best prouduct are for ease with transitioning and of course its up to your own hairtype and I still dont know mine. The thing that has me REALLY about to perm my hair like today is the fact that it takes me around 4oMIN just to fix it in a way that looks presentable so I can even leave the house! I dont even comfortable going to the gym and being seen with my hair loooking like this! And Im a fashion person whos into shopping and looking good and it REALLY bothers me to look unkept in public so Im semi depressed. Whenever I see a woman no matter what ethnicity with straight long heavy smooth thick hair it really hurts because I know thats the way my hair looks when its permed and I miss it,especially when its jet black and shiny/;(ugggh!! Thats how mine is. But then I try to rememember no thats not how my hair is and everytime I pulverized my hair into getting it to look that way I was damaging it and it would only be temproary anyway. So Im trying to go back to this salon I found to see if someone can show me how to style it in a curly style and style it for me and in general just take a look and consult me on my hair. Im going back to one I found in the city that is so adorable inside and their intentions are well but the first time I attempted my consultation with them I left with a great chop but flatironed hair. I thought to myself arent i tryingt to avoid the bad things like heat and stuff to my hair? I could have flatironed and damaged my hair some more myself like ive been doing all these years?? Her advice was while its still transitioning to deal with the 2 textures if I dont want to big chop I sould just wear it straight like this and I understand what she was saying it made sense and my hair looked great when I left. But I dont want to do anymore damage and want to do the healthy thing now. Since its shorter now it should be easier for a stylist to work with naturally now that more natural texture is exposed right?….Im going back there in a 2nd attempt with a different stylist sometime soon and may even go to miss jessies salon but everytime I call to make an appt with them I back out of it-they are SO EXPENSIVE!!? I thought having natural hair would be cheaper than perming!!? My lord! I hope my hair can get the help it needs and ends up looking like yours because Im running out of patience.
I love your site. I think I googled something regarding natural hair and came across your site. I’ve been on it pretty much every day. Yes, I have a job and I’m married with 2 kids, but I’ve learned so much. If not for me, my 5 year old daughter. I want her to love her locks as well and I’m trying to do right by her. I’ve made mistakes in the recent past with her hair that I won’t go into, but learning more and more about our hair in its natural state has helped. This is why I need all the information I can get. Thank you for putting this out there. Peace & Ble Blessed!
Hey kcurly…..i have a horrible hair story. 2008 I was in grad school, newly married, and raising a two year old—-needless to say I was stressed out. To make a long story short, after we moved to a different state my hair went from thick shoulder length to see through– I thought I had lupus. I started with hard styles, then sew-ins, then lace wigs– finally i said forget it and got the scissors. I cut as much as i could bare and started with stocking cap wigs; what a life saver!!! Its been almost 1 yr 6 mos and my hair has never been this healthy and this much fun!!!! I vow never to perm my hair or my 4 yr old daughter’s hair.
Kcurly, I just decided to transition from relaxed hair to natural. My hair is already short, but it is relaxed. My little sister (her hair is natural) says it would be best if I were to get braids for my transition period. What would be your advice on my transition? And what products should I use to moisturize my scalp during this peroid?
Its so great hearing all these stories about natural hair! I made two BC’s- one in college, and one in grad school. After the one in college, I was shocked that my natural hair was so curly and thick, and gave in to getting a texturizer. In grad school I finally told myself I was going to go natural once and for all, cause I was tired of the breakage, and wanted to really have nice, strong healthy hair. Today when I comb my hair im thankful everyday I made the choice to be natural! When you give up relaxers and texturizers, you start to see how much breakage they cause!
The product that has literally saved my natural hair is coconut oil. I use coconut oil mixed with Indian herbs like neem and amla, and this has kept my scalp healthy and moisturized. I would suggest looking into Ayurveda methods of hair care- theres a reason why Indian women have such beautiful hair!! This one product has been a life saver for my hair- make sure to get the unrefined , organic version at your local health food store.
Its been almost a year for me & i dont know how much longer i can do this. I cant find anyone to braid it for under 15o and i have to wear a wig to church because i cant do anything with it. I did not go for the BC i knew i could not do it but i have been doing the best i know how. I by Easter im still looking like this i will have to do something, just not sure what that is. But congrats on what you are doing its a big step for anyone.
Hi KCurly, I am looking at your pics and I am so loving your hair. I just have to know….what is the length of time from your BC to your last 3 pics. I so want to cut my hair now but I am a little skeptical of the short hair. I wish I could just go from transition to curly pony right away. I know this cannot happen whatsoever, so in the meantime do you have any advice?
Thanks again,
Your hair is beautiful congratulations!!
my plan was always to go natural at 55… i’m 51… in october i took on a case that i knew would prevent me from going to my every other wed hair appt so i decided to start the natural process now… i’m transitioning… not easy…. i typically set it to get curls … curls on top… natural about 2.5 inches under and about 2 inches of relaxed… it’s tough but i’m determined to stick with it… i don’t have a desire to relax it again… just want it to grow out…i really don’t want to cut it … my stylist that we should cut it in at least another month because of the stress from the relaxed hair on the natural hair… we’ll see.
I really enjoy your website and all the information that you offer about how to maintain and grow long natural hair. Also,it is great to learn that it is possible for someone with type 4ab hair to be able to grow healthy and long natural hair. However, my biggest problem that my hair has stopped growing. I have been totally natural since 8/08 and in the begining my hair grew thick with its natural vitiality of shine brillance. But somewhere along the way of my growing stage of my natural hair has been stumped. Plus, my hair is always shedding. I presently use Giovanni’s organic hair products,unrefined shea butter to moisten my hair. When the time allows me to do steam treatments using raw coconut oil. My styling products consist of Ic fantasia gel while my hair is soaking wet then I apply unrefined shea butter and my homemade spritz that consists of Giovanni’s triple tree conditioner and water and olive oil. Once i have added these ingredients in my hair I sometimes use the blowdryer to blow air on my hair to dry and proceed to twist my hair or wear an afro puff. Most of the time i wear a curly fro. I trim my ends every 6 to 8 weeks. Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome stumped hair growth?